Man Crush

Greetings Royal Family! Happy Monday! First I want to say that we are 6 Monday’s away from 2024.. The New Year is starting on a Monday which means we gotta go into 2024 with our head in the game! I’m dedicating 2024 to Kobe Bryant, God rest his soul. I remember when I got the news about his death. I was in the middle of a haircut at Sport Clips. They didn’t announce if he was dead or alive yet. When you work at Sport Clips, you have no choice but to watch ESPN all day every day. Personally, I loved it! After work, I would go talk to my brothers about all the things I learned from the TV at work. Kobe’s death hit me hard because I was at work when it happened. I used to watch him before he died. He was talking about life after retirement and how he was helping his daughter train to be a baller. When I found out Kobe was helping women play basketball I thought WOW! I hope I could meet him one day, maybe he’ll train me. When I saw the headlines at work about a Helicopter crash, I just knew. Right in the middle of the haircut I started crying. The guy who’s hair I was cutting was African. I was happy to have a black person in my chair but I wasn’t prepared for that day. When he saw I was crying over Kobe’s unconfirmed death, he tried to make me feel better but there was nothing no one could say that day that would change how sad I was. Eventually I pulled myself together and finished the haircut which he gave me a nice tip. When I went home to my apartment before it burned down, I cried for many days and many nights. Now that I think about it, that was kind of depressing. I called my brother who was a way bigger Kobe Bryant fan. All of my African family members who I don’t speak to loved Kobe Bryant. They loved watching him play. When I found out he died that day I couldn’t believe he was really gone. At times I still can’t believe it.

Kobe Bryant’s death made me question moving to LA. I remember thinking, first Nipsey now Kobe. WTF? Then covid happened. I went to LA any way just to see if that’s where I needed to be but then it got shut down. Atlanta was WIDE OPEN, so I stayed home. I never intended to stay in Atlanta for as long as I did. I wanted to leave in 2020 after getting my cosmetology license. God forced me to stay for whatever reason, I made the best of it. The end of 2021, my apartment burned down to the ground. Although that was very catastrophic, I believe that was the spiritual world forcing me out of Atlanta. If it wasn’t for that fire, I would have dragged my feet with leaving. I started getting too comfortable. As soon as the fire happened, I went to LA. I already had my ticket but I wasn’t expecting for my apartment to burn down. I was going just to celebrate a friends birthday. Speaking of birthday, after careful thought and consideration I decided that I’m going to throw a party.

What made me make this decision is when I finished my first photo shoot of the year for my waist beads. There is no reason why I took this long to do a photoshoot but I haven’t been in my right mind. Ever since the apartment fire, my survival mode kicked into overdrive. When I think about it, I believe the enemy wanted that. I can’t explain it but it makes perfect sense. Why ELSE would I not do a waist bead photoshoot? I wasn’t focused on My Waist Beads. I was too focused on what I was going to do. What I love the most about My Waist Beads Queens is the unwarranted demand for me to still create. When my apartment fire first happened, I was so depressed about it. I didn’t want to work. I didn’t want to do anything, yet here are the girls still ordering. I couldn’t believe the girls were really placing orders without me even having a place to work. At first I was upset, but how could I be upset? I really needed the money. I had to figure out how am I going to do this without a stable place to live? The next day after the fire, I saw Russell made a go fund me for me. I was so shocked by that. Russell is one of my OG followers from Twitter. Back when I was @_singamelody and before I got canceled. What is very interesting is how my Twitter got deleted right before my apartment burned down. I was actually impressed with the Go Fund Me that he made. He included the news report of my building and he even put up my military picture so people know that I’m a Veteran. When I saw how many people donated and shared it, I was so grateful and thankful. Sometimes I think about what my life would be if it wasn’t for social media. Although social media is a blessing and a curse, it has done a lot more good for my life than bad. I could never be one of those people who hate social media. I think its toxic at times but I am grateful for it. Social Media changed my life for the better in so many ways.

My Waist Beads photoshoot was a success but I felt like it wasn’t enough. I kept thinking to myself, “These pictures are too good not to promote something epic. I gotta do something big for the girls.” That’s when it HIT ME. My photographer, Anthony suggested we go out to the strip club to have fun. I was down at first but then I remembered who I was with. I’m only down for the strip club if I can throw someone else’s money. Don’t get me wrong, yeah I love them strippers but respectfully sis I need money too. I cant throw my money for entertainment. Especially not now. I have a lot of respect for exotic dancers. I think the word “stripper” is a derogatory term. The correct term for their profession is “exotic dancer”. Survival mode made me consider being one. That’s when I started to have respect for them. I thought it would be a cake walk. I’m thinking “I can dance. I got the right body for this. I can do it.” I learned very quickly that I may be a lot of things but a stripper aint me. We decided to do an “extra” photoshoot instead of go to the strip club. Anthony thought being productive would be a better idea than blowing money we don’t need to spend on exotic dancers. Honestly, I am so glad we extended the shoot rather than go to the strip club because that inspired me.

“I’m going to be in Las Vegas for media between January 4th and January 7th.” These are Anthony’s words to me. I thought to myself “Hey! That’s around my birthday.” THEN BOOM! I said you know what! I’m going to throw a birthday party. After I looked at the second photos we took I said, “These will be perfect to promote my party!” The first shoot I looked flirty and sexy. The second shoot I looked inviting and fun. Then I came up with the concept “Lovers and Friends”. Usher has been making girls dreams come true in Las Vegas. When I think about all the fun I had this year, most of it was in Vegas.

Being in Las Vegas was the change that I needed going into 2024. What I was hoping to get out of LA, never happened. Professionally, I was able to get exactly what I needed. I personally wasn’t here for it. Moving to LA wasn’t all bad but I never found what I was looking for. I was looking to start dating again. I wanted to meet new guys and find BAE. LA is like another Atlanta. Actually I would like to argue that LA is much worse than Atlanta in terms of dating. At least in Atlanta you have black men that will worship you. LA is nothing but a bunch of sissy boys who think they are the prize. I couldn’t BELIEVE when buddy asked me if I ever took a man out on a date. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT? Apparently in LA. Las Vegas was WAY more fun when it comes to meeting guys and dating. I actually didn’t start dating until I LEFT LA. I may have went on a total of 3 dates while living in LA. All of them were horrible. I speak to none of them boys. Las Vegas was way better. Not only did I go on fun dates but I met better quality guys that are actually gentlemen.

Speaking of gentlemen, that’s what I want at my parties. Men that are GENTLE and not abusive or toxic. The girls need to be gentle also! Act like a LADY. I read a book once called “Gentlewoman”. This book is actually written by a man. It talks about how a woman should act if she wants a man to consider her as a serious lover. We need more love in this world especially within our community. There is NO LOVE in LA except FAKE LOVE. I learned that very quickly. All tea, all shade, but I cant WAIT to get out of LA. I’m just waiting patiently for the perfect escape plan. When I went to San Diego for my photoshoot, I enjoyed being there. Being in LA makes me anxious. It’s all work no play. This blog is titled Man Crush because I realized something today on this beautiful Monday. With dating and putting myself out there, I realized how difficult that was after all the trauma I experienced.

If there is any advice I could give a woman attempting to love after experiencing severe abuse is this TAKE YOUR TIME. I believe I took my time to get to the point where I could finally start dating. Although I was very proud of myself, I realized that I wasn’t satisfied with my roster of men. It isn’t that they’re BAD guys, I know an abuser when I see one. It’s just that I’m not attracted to any of them. Never underestimate the power of mutual interest. I hate to feel like I’m taking advantage of someone. Men allow women to use them financially, emotionally, and even physically because of their own ego. Because I have brothers, I choose not to be that type of women. I could easily take advantage of men. However, I know how much of a SAVAGE I am so I don’t. That is why I don’t lead guys on. If I’m not feeling you, than that’s just it. Some guys cant stand the idea of rejection but why force someone to like you? That’s how sexual assault happens. I really hate when men try to force themselves onto me.

Going into my 30s I realized that I am TOO OLD to be having “crushes” on guys. I know there are guys who have “crushes” on me but respectfully if the feeling isn’t mutual than just give it up buddy. See that was cute when we were young and we would have crushes on people but now I’m over that. WE TOO GROWN FOR THAT SH!T. My main goal for this birthday party is to CRUSH the CRUSH concept. It’s either yall are together or not. Either you like them or you don’t. You wanna have sex with them or nah? WHAT ARE WE DOING? That “I have a crush on you” phase died when I realized my crush was playing mind games with me. I had my eye on this guy since July who I had a “crush” on pretty much my whole life. The idea of being with him seemed a bit unrealistic so I just let it go. Until one day, I had a thought: I said “What if he’s attracted to you also? Did you ever think of that?”

This is my THOT process: If I’m attracted to a man and he’s attracted to me, it must be meant to be! However, I had to learn very quickly that things aren’t always what it seems. I thought my crush was shooting his shot at first, until I realized someone is trying to mess with my head. It was giving psychological tricks. Respectfully, I had enough of that in my childhood. I became uneasy instantly. Since that day I said to myself, “I’m done having crushes on guys, I’m getting way too old for this.” My NEW thot process is this: If I’m interested in a man and he is interested in me too *sings WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DOOOOO?

I’m on my Rihanna bad gal vibe. She is my inspiration for this party. Rihanna experienced abuse, manipulation and assault YET look at her now! She’s happy and in love with her beautiful children. WE should all aspire to be like Rihanna when it comes to healing from abusive men. NO shade to any parties involved. I believe Rihanna is a great role model for loving after trauma. What I refuse to do is participate in any mind games when it comes to men. You cant spell disappointment, disapprovement or abandonment without MEN. With that being said, women should be mindful.

Always protect yourself from MEN.

I’m not saying to hate all men or think that all men are bad. I’m just saying this PROTECT YOURSELF SIS! Men love to play off your emotions and steal your light. Men will mess with your head just to get you in bed. Men will play games without ever giving you their last name. DONT FALL FOR THE TRICKS! I cant tell you how many guys I’ve had crushes on that left me crushed. When I think about it, they were never worth my time, energy or effort.

Heartbreaks aren’t always destructive to your health but some MOST DEFINITELY can and will leave you for dead! Always be cautious and be careful. I just put my heart back together. I was finally able to some how make it start working. After years of being too masculine, too fearful of men and too ashamed to be sexy again, I finally got back to what I believe is normal. Honestly it was MAGIC. What I want for my birthday is too have a MAGICAL moment. They say that Fairytales don’t exist. Well if that’s the case then tell Disney to stop using my life story in their movies. I deserve a HAPPY ENDING after all that I been through. I cant afford another heart break. I’m playing it very safe now.

The biggest thing I want you all to experience at my party is MAGIC. I want people to believe in love again because people have lost hope. When I talked to my brother yesterday I thanked him for hounding me about not doing anything for my birthday. If it wasn’t for him making it a big deal, I probably wouldn’t have considered throwing a party. “You’re turning 30. You gotta do something.” Turning 30 is a turning point in my journey. I don’t want to be celibate anymore. I don’t want to be masculine anymore. I don’t want to be in survival mode anymore. I just want to love and live life. Loving myself has always been a priority. I cant guarantee love unless it’s coming from me. Any man that loves me better PROVE IT or else, I can just focus on myself. I want my birthday party to be HOT and SEXY. I decided to go with the FLIRTY thirty theme rather than DIRTY because who wants to be dirty? NOT I said the CAT. This pu$$y clean. This pu$$y squeaky. We can get DOWN and DIRTY but let’s keep our spirits clean please. Remember, I waited 8 years before I was open to having sex again. Maybe I would have gone longer if I wasn’t sexually attracted to this one guy.

Whether or not I have sex on my birthday doesn’t matter. This party is an opportunity for me to bring ladies and gentlemen together in hopes to find a lover, a friend or both. This year truly inspired me. Never would I have expected to have hope again when it comes to love and relationships with men. ITS A MIRACLE! When I think about the last birthday party I had, it was right before I decided to become celibate. I was turning 21. I closed my vagina and never looked back. I’m letting the CAT outside in 2024 but ONLY if it feels right. It gotta FEEL RIGHT! It needs to FEEL SPECIAL. IT NEEDS TO BE MAGICAL. Otherwise, I’m keeping my legs closed.

Ladies, this is your chance to get out of your shell and give LOVE another chance. If I can do it, so can you. My Waist Beads have definitely helped me on my healing journey. I don’t think I could have done it without my waist beads. Stepping out of your traumatized mind and into a new mind of hope might be what you need going into the New Year. All it takes is a mental shift. Men are not that bad.

You cant spell enjoyment, commitment and contentment without MEN either so lets not focus on the bad. We all know some men SUCK but lets not focus on those guys. My brothers words “See its always the fck boys that MESS it up for everyone. You cant even talk to a girl nowadays without her thinking you’re going to do something harmful to her. That’s why dating nowadays is so hard.” As much as we may fight, I gotta admit when my brother is right. I was one of those girls. I hated men for a long time even my own brothers. What made me stop hating men so much was spiritual healing. This isn’t for the weak either. You cant rush the process, you gotta trust the process. Believe that love is possible.

The details for my party will be released very soon! I’m still planning and trying to figure it out but just know that this is more than just a birthday party for me! I’m playing CUPID. I need people to be excited for LOVE AGAIN! My crush may have played mind games but I don’t mind the games. I’m just getting too old for it.

I’m taking my time to figure this thing out. I want to end the year with a clear mind and open heart. My focus now will be to go into the New Year with my head in the game! I need that Mamba Mentality. One thing about Kobe, he loved basketball. He was committed, focused and determined. I want you all to apply that same mentality when it comes to what you want out of life.

I will see you all in LAS VEGAS. First weekend of the year issa life celebration! I’m so excited that my birthday is on the first Saturday of the New Year. I need all my Queens and Kings to come out and celebrate life with an open heart and open mind. My only rule is DON’T KISS AND TELL! Main reason for this rule is because aint no telling what may go down. In the words of Bad Gal Rihanna:

CANT BE SCARED WHEN IT GOES DOWN!

It’s definitely going down: January 6th, 2024- BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

P.S. I’m playing cupid ladies so if you want to shoot your shot at a guy you have your eye on, please DON’T DO IT! Allow me the honors to set it up! Let him come find you or let me work my MAGIC!

Thanks for letting me share!

GO FUND ME

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-malon-rebuild-after-the-fire

-Malon Mahotiere