Sister Wives

Hey y’all! This weekend was WILD. Let’s talk about it! My beautiful sister cousin Victoria came to LA for the 1st time ever! We definitely made the best out of our time in LA. Now that she’s gone, I’m ready to go! I have a doctor’s appointment today then after that, I’M OUTTA HERE! LA it’s been real.

Right now I’m going on a tour. I’ve decided since I am not working, I might as well invest 100% of myself to my waist beads. I feel horrible for neglecting this business. This weekend made me realize the importance of SISTERHOOD. Now I’m sure a lot of you have heard the term “sister wives”. Well a lot of men mention it to me because I’m African. They just assume that I would be down with that. HOWEVER, these men don’t understand the culture and tradition behind “sister wives” as far as African women and community goes. So I decided to BREAK IT DOWN for a lot of you wondering.

First requirement to have multiple wives is to be able to provide for ALL of them in the same capacity. Okay, that first step is a big step that a lot of y’all not doing so… If you don’t think you can provide for all of your women in the same capacity than you are not a candidate. The next requirement is protection and security. Women don’t marry a man with other wives because it looks like a good lifestyle. I read an African book that talked about a man who married another woman to protect her. The woman in question was being targeted by someone and once she got married she was able to escape from danger and hide. The first wife agreed to marry her to help save her from that situation.

There are other requirements also in order for a man to have multiple wives like where they reside. In some places it is illegal, in others its completely acceptable. People need to do a little more research about the tradition of a man having multiple wives. It is NOT for reasons American people think it is.

That being said, I can use my mom and dad for example. MY father wanted multiple wives but he decided to marry my mother. I believe it is every man’s fantasy to have multiple women after them. However marrying multiple women is a lot more of a responsibility than men think. Even being married to ONE woman can be a lot to handle, imagine MULTIPLE. When it comes to my father, he loved being in Africa because the women are different than in America. When I was in Miami I met a guy named Emmet. I immediately thought of Emmet Till. We talked a lot about my parents relationship which is something I don’t typically do. I just got comfortable talking about my parents. When I told him my father worked in Africa for years before marrying my mom he was so fascinated. “A lot of men can learn from what your dad did. It sounds like he did it right!” I would have to agree.

If it wasn’t for my dad going to Africa to teach, maybe I wouldn’t be here today. My father had so many women in Africa. I’m going to assume it was a village of women from every country he visited. When he met my mother it wasn’t until later. People made it seem that my mother was always around. Even though my parents aren’t here to defend themselves or answer any questions, I can go off what I know. When my father started working in Guinea, that wasn’t until the mid 80s. He visited African countries way before then! They just didn’t know what he was doing. I remember my sister telling me “I met your mom before she married your dad. She braided my hair. He brought us around her in Africa before he brought her to America.” I’m thinking to myself “How can that be? That could have been ANY woman. How do you know it was my mother?” MY dad had so many women in Africa, they didn’t think he would ever actually choose one. My mother was the chosen one but she wasn’t the ONLY one at least not at first. Things didn’t start getting serious with my parents until my dad wanted OUT of his first marraige. That’s when my mother gets blamed! As if she was the reason why he wanted a divorce. HE WAS LIVING HIS BEST LIFE IN AFRICA until he fell in love with a woman.

Everyone falls in love sometimes. IT AINT A CRIME. Everyday I wake up and Thank God for the love my father had for my mother. If it wasn’t for that love, I wouldn’t be here today. I also wouldn’t be the person I am without it. Sometimes I feel sad about being so silent over the years about my parents. I was so hurt by losing them that I never expressed how much I admired them until now.

My mother and father can’t tell me about their relationship but I can make my own assumptions based off of the FACTS. The facts are that my father married my mother because he connected with her THE MOST out of all of those other African women. My cousin Vicky told me that her mother told her that my father had a bunch of women in Africa that he could have married. However, ONE woman told him that my mother would be the one he’d be the most happy with. So he chose her out of the rest.

OKAY! That’s the truth people. My mother never stole anyones husband. In fact, the divorce was going to happen whether he married my mother or NOT. Although my step mother is no longer here, I carried a lot of shame from whatever pain SHE felt. I look like my mother but I’m not her. When I was a child they would accuse me of growing up to be like my mother. “You’re probably going to marry an older man just like your mother.” Then my sisters wouldn’t help. I know we have different moms.

We still could have had a sisterly bond but it never existed. Instead, I’m getting shamed for being EXACTLY like my mother. As much as people think I remind them of Rahmatoullahy Barry Mahotiere I AM MY OWN PERSON. I never understood why other women hated me because of who my mother was? And even after her death, they still give me a hard time. My mother loved my father.

What is more SCRAZY (scary and crazy) is how much people still to this day hate the concept of love. We don’t know how powerful it can be when we have it, so if we don’t then we are out to destroy it. That comes from all aspects. I can’t tell you how many people have tried to destroy me because of love that I received or for a love that already exists. I’m convinced that LOVE is the most powerful thing. I can even argue that its more powerful than money. When you think of the scarcity of it, then you can understand why everyone is such A HATER! If my mother married my father with a bunch of other women, it would only be a matter of time before that LOVE turned into HATE and JEALOUSY.

The idea of multiple wives may sound ideal or tempting but its gonna be a no for me and I’m African. The contrast is the “selling of the wife”. So if a husband can have multiple spouses, than a wife is free to be with any man as long as he PAYS the right amount of money that substitutes her lifestyle. Now does that sound like a fair trade? I remember the last conversation I had with a man who mentioned having multiple women/wives. This is because I caught him cheating red handed. I smiled and acted like I didn’t remember his girlfriend. He’s cheating not me! I’m minding my business. However he decided to mention her because we already met. She’s a dancer. I call her “Dancing Queen”. He says “You know its common in African countries for a man to marry multiple women.” I agreed, yes it is.

Then I started to explain the concept and I mentioned how a woman in Africa had multiple husbands. “ITS TRUE! LOOK IT UP!” I explained to him that the purpose of multiple spouses is to build the community and feed the village. “The man isn’t the only one who can feed the village. Woman can.” Not only did he get up to walk away, he kept the conversation short with me the remainder of the trip.

In conclusion, my idea of being married to a man who has other women in his life other than me isn’t the problem but lets be realistic: WOMEN ARE POSSESSIVE. I could not see myself doing the poly marraige REGARDLESS of how African I am. I’m STILL an American. My mother was a different type of woman. She may have been down for it but ME? It’s going to be a NO but I am not completely against the concept. If I can use my husband to help out another woman in need than I will do that.

When you think of poly marriage as an act of selflessness and not greed, it can be a beautiful concept. Anything I have good for myself, I want to bless my sister with it. We all know how much of a blessing it is to have a man that can PROVIDE. Why not share that? Sharing is caring. However we gotta have boundaries sis. We can share all day long but what’s mine is mine. This conversation is worth having because I want all my sisters to be taken care of. That’s why this weekend was such a disappointment. I need the men in my life to make MY life AND the women in my life better. That to me is the idea of a SISTER WIFE. I am the wife, she is my sister so I need her to be taken care of also

How do you feel about sister wives? Are you comfortable with sharing your man with another woman

I want to hear your thoughts on this!

Thanks for letting me share

Malon Mahotiere (Slim Shady)