Amaze me #Celibacy

Hey Queens! FYI: There’s 16 more weeks until my birthday 1/6. Also my mothers birthday is next month 10/16. She’s been on my mind a lot lately! Maybe because my brother has a baby on the way. I wonder what things would be like if she were here. When it comes to my celibacy, my mother is the main reason behind my decision. My mother isn’t here to answer any questions but I wonder about her life. People seemed to really be fascinated by her even after she passed away. I believe that my father was her first love because she was so young when they met and everyone made a big deal out of it! My father looked young for his age. When they got married, it was a small gathering. I don’t recognize any family members. There were several pictures of her at beaches and nature scenery from what I remember. Everything pertaining to my parents love and marriage has dissipated over the years ever since our house was sold. Thank God for social media that I kept a lot of old photos and recordings. For some reason I thought it would be useful to post them just in case. When my apartment burned down I lost EVERYTHING that was left when it came down to my parents. At least everything that I had left. It made me really upset but I got over it quickly. I didn’t process it at first. That emotional turmoil didn’t really hit me until recently: actually my main concern when the fire happened was “What do I do now? Where do I go?” Those times really altered my reality. Being in survival mode made me forget what it means to have a “home”. When my parents died, I believe our “home” died as well. Clearly I need to bring a new “home” back to life. I talk about this in my book which speaking of my memoir, I really want to publish it soon. I have been waiting long enough. That’s another reason why I need to leave LA. There are way too many distractions and people trying to exploit me. ITS SICK! Being in Los Angeles was nothing but a huge childhood trauma wound that needed healing. There was so much repressed. One of the main things that attracted me here was to be in Hollywood. Since I was a kid, I was always fascinated by the “celebrity life”. I was OBSESSED with all types of celebrities! Rappers, athletes, models, singers, even video vixens and dancers I knew, I just imagined growing up and being like them, “They look so happy with life.” That’s what I thought to myself when I would see famous people always smiling in photos. By me seeing them happy made me feel like I could be that happy one day. People always told me I should model, act, dance or sing. Whatever I wanted to do I couldn’t because I wasn’t allowed so it didn’t matter what the people said. I just did what I had to do. What I had to do was survive and take care of myself but I chose to “play it safe”. Now I realize that was a mistake.

My cousin Victoria is landing today for the yacht party. I’m both excited and nervous. I’m hoping everything goes well this weekend with the Travel Group.

I planned to leave LA with Victoria but I have a client. Also my doctor wants 1 more appointment with me next week. After that I’m off to New York. Speaking of New York, when I spoke to my cousin Vicky about moving she was all for it! “I can send you some affordable housing info.” Victoria is always so resourceful and helpful! That’s why I love her. Whether I move to New York or Connecticut, I just plan to move. If or when I do return to LA it will only be for school purposes. I got accepted into ALOT of schools but I can’t go to them all at once. The first one I need to complete is Film School. I already have a year completed. Since I’m changing my program, I only need about 1 year left until I can get an associates. I want to go to school and get degrees in my 30s. I worked way to hard in my 20s and now my hips don’t lie, I’m starting to feel it’s tight!

Turning 30 is a turning point for me to make some changes now. Main concern is still being out “in these streets”. I could NOT imagine having a child and living like this. When the fire happened, I had to adapt. Although the fire wasn’t the first time I experienced being homeless. I’ve been in the streets as long as I can remember. Even old thoughts of being in a home is a home of someone else’s and not my own.

I will have my own home in my 30s but I need to get my mind back domesticated. My aunt always says that to me “You need to be more domestic, okay?” She also gets on me for not cooking. My family doesn’t realize what I’m going through but they just expect for me to be married by now because of my mother. I love my mother dearly but I am not her. My mother was married to my dad and had my brother by the time she was my age. There’s no way I’m getting pregnant any time soon with this hip condition. I spoke to my brother about it. I asked him to send me some money because I’m not working. He called to make sure I was okay. “Why did you go to the doctor?” I told my brother about my hips giving me issues for almost 2 years now. When I think about it, it was right before the fire but after the fire IT GOT WORSE. I’m used to it now but I don’t think that’s good. “Oh so you got hip dysplasia?” My face looked shocked. That sounded painful and scary to me so I looked it up! “Damnnn is that what I have?” My brother explained to me what I was doing when I would “crack my hip”. I did some research and I got nervous. Doing this MRI is urgent but I’m anxious about this ordeal:

Moving up north will give me time to recover from the fire. I’ll finally be able to be around family. When it first happened, my first reaction was to go to LA. For some reason, my heart was set on it but when I got here I faced many challenges. Being homeless in LA was traumatizing and when I finally did get a place, I was re-traumatized ALL OVER. Deep down I have no regrets because I had to address some of the childhood wounds buried. Now it’s time for me to face my fears and stop running from my problems. I came to LA to chase the stars and learned a valuable lesson. All that glitters isn’t gold.

When I think about moving out of Atlanta overall, I did leave in hopes to find the one for me. That’s why I encourage you ladies to remain celibate as long as you possibly can for the ONE.

Before moving I spoke to a psychic who told me my mother has a husband for me. I said “Who? Did I meet him already?”

She said I will meet him when I’m ready. I got upset but I trusted the lady because she said it came from my mom. For years I had psychics tell me go West for a better life. They never said LA specifically and they never said California. They just said “Out West” or “West Coast”. When I got to LA, I thought I wanted to date until I realized how the men acted was not it. Also I met plenty of celebrities while I was in LA, but I wasn’t impressed by most of them. I’ve met a lot of “celebrities” in Atlanta too. Being in Hollywood for awhile made me normalize these peoples reality. Suddenly I wasn’t impressed by their glitz and glamour. Instead, I’m assessing and analyzing their careers from as far as I can remember to present day. That’s why I love my school! I feel I learned so much valuable information. I would definitely want to go back and finish but again I don’t have to live in LA to do that.

Overall when I think about the most life changing experience for me since I moved was when I decided to go to NBA con in Las Vegas. I was talking to my cousin Vicky about it and saying “What if I didn’t take that chance?” Sometimes we make choices in life that lead us to the best thing we’ve ever had! The highlight of my summer was going to NBA con and seeing one of my favorite NBA players, Tyrone.

When I arrived, I wasn’t sure who would be in the building. I saw a few names that I recognized on the screen list but I wasn’t sure who was still there. I was so late coming. Also this was technically my first “Sports Entertainment Media” gig so I was nervous but still I was just happy to be there. They gave me my media pass without any hesitation or question. It was as if it was meant to be! I was nervous going up there but one of my friends already was able to get one for himself. He called me to tell me it worked, so I tried too and IT DEFINITELY WORKED!

Seeing Tyrone wasn’t like seeing any other celebrity. It was a remarkable moment even though it only lasted a minute. The kids at NBA con started calling his name. That’s how I knew he was there. I said WHERE? “There he is!” Next thing you know a bunch of kids start swarming this man so I followed. He seemed nice enough to give them autographs and selfies so I thought that was sweet! Then I thought, “This would be great content!” So I started filming it. Suddenly, something came over me like the devil and angel on the shoulder. The angel innocently was doing her job but then the devil kept saying “Get closer to him. He’s right there!” After a quick thought, I figured the devil was right. I didn’t have much time either because everyone was walking but I had no idea where we were going. Eventually it was gonna come to an end so I went for it. I started getting closer and closer until I got close enough to say something. Next thing you know I get pushed out the way! So I jumped out the crowd quickly! Now looking back, I thought it was one of the kids who pushed me out the way maybe from being too excited HOWEVER. After I recorded my media content, I turned the camera around to record me getting closer and closer until I got close enough to say something. That’s when you look and you see a girl next to me wearing his team Jersey. Shorty just pushed me! When it first happened, I didn’t think about it because it happened SO FAST. Then one day, I decided to look back at the video. I didn’t realize this until almost a month later but thank God for camera phones. I had to rewatch it again, when I realized I was pushed I couldn’t stop laughing! Actually I got excited! I thought to myself “Wow! I’m sure he saw that!” Instead of being upset, I’m glad ol girl pushed me into him! That’s exactly what I needed to happen!

Experiencing that moment at NBA con changed my entire life. I saw my friend and told him what happened but he didn’t seem excited for me. I was confused by his off energy but I was still excited. Then we saw 2Chainz and that put the icing on the cake! I felt like he was talking to ME in that show. Later that night, my media friend asked me to braid his hair for him so I agreed. He didn’t offer to pay RED FLAG but he offered to do a photoshoot for me in exchange (still waiting on that) While doing his hair, I kept talking about how happy I was that I came to NBA con and how it was worth my job. That was when I decided to officially quit. “I can’t believe I saw Tyrone today! I don’t need my job anymore. I could do his hair instead if I want. That’s exactly what I need! I’m about to quit my job!” My “friend” thought I was delusional. He said something that sounded like a hater so I didn’t listen to it. The next day, I gladly quit my job and I went out again! When I had my media badge to get in people kept asking me “Do you work for the NBA?” I just smiled. Then people just started saying it to other people “She works for the NBA.” So I just went along with it for the rest of the night. Yea I work for the NBA! I just quit my job for this opportunity I kept telling them. That night I met a girl named Genesis. She was so sweet. Her and her husband were having “date night.” Honestly don’t remember how we started talking or became friends but I found out that she was a teacher! I got excited. “I just started teaching!” Genesis and I started talking about how we love to teach and how great of a job it is. This was before I knew I was going to leave my other job. Her and her husband were nice enough to give me a ride back to my hotel. I trusted them since her husband was in the Air Force. After NBA con was over, the Las Vegas people asked me if I was coming back for Summer League. I thought “What is Summer league?” I called my brother to find out. When he told me what it was, I thought WHY NOT! I might as well! SO I WENT BACK! I didn’t see Tyrone but I know he was there. I saw some players and I started examining their hair. I started paying attention to who had what hairstyle and what number jersey they were wearing, and what team they were on. I put some players info in my phone but someone stole my phone unfortunately. I figured I should start focusing on pursuing this type of male grooming work rather than being a slave working for someone else. I don’t mind being a barber or a stylist but I don’t want to be used. I want to be paid my VALUE because I’m WORTH it.

Since people kept speaking NBA work over me, I just went along with it. I figured I could some how make this work. I just need a plan. I ended up meeting an agent for the NBA and a sports journalist too while I was there for Summer league so that was cool. Although I believe my purpose with the NBA is beyond a title. I can’t really say for sure what it will be particularly because I don’t know. I just know that the universe made it so easy for me to access. When I talk to other men about it they get jealous so I just stopped doing that. The only people who get excited for me about possibly pursuing an NBA career are my older brothers. In fact, my brothers were the ONLY ones who were happy for me when I told them I saw Tyrone. Everyone else’s energy when I mentioned it wasn’t excited enough for me so I figured they were HATERS. However my brothers knows that’s always been one of my favorite players so they felt happy for me. My brother was actually the one who pointed out for me to watch the video again. “Did you say anything to him?” I couldn’t remember if I did or didn't so I decided to watch again to check. I told my brothers my plan to work for the NBA and they were in FULL SUPPORT! I told them I may need their help because I know about sports but NOT LIKE THEM. They take it very PERSONAL. “Hell yeah Malon, I’ll tell you whatever you need to know! But don’t just do basketball. You gotta do ALL sports. You gotta know about all of them not just one.” Basketball is my favorite sport out of all of them but I guess I won’t close myself off to opportunities.

In conclusion, if I haven’t met my husband yet he’s a lot closer to me than EVER BEFORE! And I believe NBA con is what made that happen! What’s funny is I’ve never heard of it before because it didn’t exist. This was the 1st and I’m so grateful I was able to do that as my first media gig. Therefore my celibacy journey has ended. I’m preparing to have sex if it’s with someone who I actually WANT.

When I was younger people used to always tell me “Malon, you can have any man you want.” Now that I’m older I know what I want! A BALLER but not just any baller. A BIG BALLER! Shot caller! I’ve known that I wanted this for a long time but wasn’t sure how I would obtain that for myself but I’m closer than I ever been to receiving it. So ladies, here’s the challenge. I want you to AMAZE ME with your journey because I want a man who’s amazing to find you! I believe being celibate after all these longggggg years has allowed me to be blessed with this type of opportunity. I know this because it was all TOO EASY! That’s when I knew. Focusing on yourself will attract the right man to you!

Make your wants want you! Amaze me with your commitment and dedication to your journey because you know you deserve the love you want! I want to hear all about the highs and lows but don’t give up

P.S. if you get discouraged, frustrated or upset at the dusties you gotta go through before you meet that one here’s something to remember: you can’t spell amazement, commitment, nourishment, replenishment, involvement, and requirements WITHOUT MEN! So be patient !

AND DONT GIVE IT UP!

SPRINKLE SPRINKLE

GO FUND ME

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-malon-rebuild-after-the-fire

Malon Mahotiere