NICE FOR WHAT?

Hey y’all! Guess who’s back? Now let’s get into it! We’re having a celibacy countdown challenge! What inspired us to do this is because of how far Malon has come on her journey! I want to see how far other women can go and how that may change the dynamic of their love life. Let’s take it back! Malon’s biggest problem has always been that she’s too “NICE”. I believe it was programmed into her since she was a child to always be “nice” to people but what about when people aren’t nice to me?

That’s where I come in and give people a taste of their own medicine. It’s all fun and games until I want to play too! Malon decided to be celibate right before her 21st birthday. I had no idea she would go this long without sex but when I think back, she did the right thing. I want women to understand the value of not giving yourself up to just anyone. Being nice gets you taken advantaged of

When it comes to sex and my vagina, I don’t mind being a complete b.i.t.c.h. in that order. I’ll never forget the promise I made to myself in basic training. “I’m not having sex until I’m married!” This is after dealing with sexual assault. Now that so many years have gone by, I can FINALLY talk about it.

I was sexually assaulted not once but twice after joining the Air Force. The first time was 2 weeks prior to basic training and the second was 6 months after returning from technical training. The first encounter was with an obsessed ex and the second was an Army guy who just got discharged. Due to both incidents happening within 1 year, the Air Force people thought it would be better for me to “get help”. So without me realizing, I quietly separated from the service and they gave me my benefits out.

This incident prompted me to go to Beauty School and finish. I didn’t know if I would ever go back into the military again. I tried so many times but after a sexual assault report, your pretty much black balled from rejoining unless you find a loophole. I’m still looking for one but I’m not invested in that as much as I used to be. If I join the military again, it has to be after I’m married with a new last name.

Anyway, that situation is how Slim Shady was created. From that encounter I said to myself “Malon is DONE being nice! I will not allow this!” That’s why I’m a bitch and I don’t care not to be. Whenever Malon tried to be nice it always backfired on her someway somehow. People correlate being nice with being a “sucker” or “stupid”. Maybe I’m just considerate? Maybe I just think of others other than myself? THATS THE PROBLEM.

Never care for others more than YOURSELF.

Bottom line is you can’t be nice about the things that are most important to you. You have to be a bitch unless that person has earned the right for you to be nice to them. Being nice to others is a privilege. Don’t just go around being nice to any ol person. F that! Pick and choose who you want to be nice to!

Yesterday I saw my doctor. This may be the last appointment with her. She’s going on maternity leave. During my appointment, I told her about my celibacy and said “I haven’t had sex in almost 10 years! Do you think that has something to do with why I have hip problems?” She said “No I don’t think so.” Then I asked “Will having sex make it worse or better?” That’s when she gave me the BREAKDOWN

She explained that it depends on the position and the partner. “Anything that requires you to extend your legs is probably not going to be good for you right now. Your partner has to get creative.” She doesn’t know I’m speaking hypothetically but that’s how you manifest. Speak like it already exist.

After leaving she signed my disability accommodation documents to give to my job. This is where I’m stuck. My employer has brought attention to my hip condition which triggered me emotionally. It also made me self conscious because I am not THAT old. I really don’t think I should be having hip problems at such a young age so this is a sensitive situation for me. I didn’t like that I kept having to talk about it! I almost felt he didn’t believe me which is even more frustrating. There is a organization that supports people with hidden disabiltiies. I don’t care how I appear on the outside, if I say my hips hurt MY HIPS HURT! Then I don’t like even talking about it because that’s a sensitive area anyways.

Men who objectify and sexualize women bother me. You can never have a normal conversation. As a woman have you ever had a conversation with a man, like a heart to heart and you can tell he is only acting concerned in hopes that you like him so you will have sex with him? Drake said it best “NICE FOR WHAT!” These men DO NOT CARE! When they are being nice, it’s not because they care. It is simply because they are hoping to get the opportunity to have sex with you which will never happen!

Regardless of me being celibate, I have been sexually assaulted multiple times. That goes to show that MEN DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU SAY! They will violate you for their own gain. When I realized that sexual assault is more about control than pleasure, I understood why I kept getting assaulted. My decision to be celibate is so I can be in control of my body and who I have sex with. Men who want control over me violate me because of that. For a long time on my celibacy journey, I spent majority of the years hating men and resenting them. You can’t spell resentment and disappointment without MEN. Maybe my celibacy journey would have ended sooner if I wasn’t so bitter towards men. When I decided to get my cosmetology license, I was in competition with men. I believe I been low-key competing with men my entire life and I never realized until I decided to stop. I keep hearing my brothers voice from childhood “YOU’RE A GIRL MALON!” Thanks for reminding me. As much as I love being a woman, I hated being a girl. There’s a big difference. I had to become a woman. Life matured me into womanhood.

Being a girl is tough. You gotta deal with boys and other girls. Then you gotta be nice, smart, pretty, funny, talented, artistic, creative and stylish for the sake of praise otherwise you get shamed as a girl. No matter how nice I am, pretty I look, or how positive I am, I still may never be a good enough. Why should women be nice when we run the risk of never being accepted when we put our best forward?

The reason why I left my job is because I felt disrespected. I’ve been through so much since childhood, whenever I feel that someone has done me wrong I immediately seek legal advising. Just because I feel a way does not mean they did anything illegal but sometimes I have to double check.

My lawyers explained that there is no chance of having a case because I chose to leave and not return. However, I wasn’t given much of a choice. This man is forcing me to stand up for my shift after disclosing my hip condition for the 3rd time. Not to mention, he knows I separated from the military already.

Having a PTSD diagnosis from sexual trauma is not something I walk in saying when I get hired. Why am I being forced to address this? I almost felt pressured into discussing something in my past that I already buried. If I’m telling you it hurts to stand up, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. Instead, you want me to PROVE that I’m hurt because in the eyes of a man “Her hips looks fine to me.” That idea alone disgusts me but I am probably not wrong. Michelle said to me one time “I know people look at you and probably think you have such a nice body. They would trade their body for yours but they don’t even know what that body has been through.” I could’ve cried at those words. I hate when people over sexualize my body because its a reminder of how people objectify women. I always felt that no one cared enough about me as woman because I “looked fine”. There’s a video of me when I was baby. My mother was recording me and I was waving at her. She says sweetly in her African voice “Hi Malon. How are you? Say fine. Say fineeeeeeee.” I always think about my mother saying that to me.

My boss is around 10 years older than me, but he’s not my boss anymore. However, him being older I expected more maturity but I was wrong. Men DO NOT MATURE WITH AGE. They mature from experience. Him and I would go back and forth constantly and I did not like that! I hate men that try and argue with me! That is a feminine trait. As toxic as my relationship with my brothers are, they don’t intentionally try to argue with me. They don’t START arguments on purpose. If my brother is going to say something that he thinks I may be upset by, he will say “Don’t get mad at this” or something of the sort. I would be at work going back and forth with my boss because he was committed to misunderstanding me! You’re not even trying to understand where I am coming from.

We had a policy that the company enforced called “Be nice or else.” OR ELSE WHAT? I wanted to ask that SO BAD! I told him that I didn’t agree with that policy. He made it seem as if I was wrong for my opinion. When I explained my thoughts, he acted as if he didn’t understand what I was saying. THIS IS MANIPULATION. I’ve seen this plenty times in childhood. I would tell someone what is wrong or what happened. Suddenly, the entire context of what I mentioned gets changed into something else that they create that fits their benefit. Now I’m left feeling confused and still unheard.

I can’t get myself to wrap my mind around what happened at that job which is why I refuse to go back so I don’t know what my next plan is but I’m out of LA. It was too triggering and emotional for me to go back to work even with the documentation. I could show all the paper work proof about my hips and I would still run the risk of him giving me issues with it. I walked out on September 1st. When I decided to go to Miami it was on September 5th because I figured I didn’t have a job anymore. I was waiting for a while but after a week went by I hadn’t heard from anyone. So I went to Miami! As soon as I get to Miami, I’m talking THE DAY I LAND, I get a text from my boss asking about my job. WHAT IS THIS? I asked my doctor, “Should I have said anything?” My doctor agreed that they should have called me to see if everything was okay but they didn’t. I felt that way too. When I left for Miami I already told myself that I didn’t have a job anymore. They tried to say it was “job abandonment”. Well I do have abandonment issues so maybe it was. I sent emails and text messages back explaining why I left but no one seemed to care about that. Instead, they said “We need to have better communication so we can better assist you.” Now I feel like Tyrese. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!!!!??? I already told them several times on several occasions MY HIPS HURT!

If I learned anything this summer it is that Drake was absolutely RIGHT. You gotta be NICE FOR WHAT? POR QUOI? I can be nice to children. I can be nice to animals. I can be nice to old people.

That’s it. Being nice is a luxury. I will gladly be a bitch if that means standing up for myself. This is like the 5th job I quit this year. I had to quit so many jobs because I was too nice and they tried to play me for it. I just let go of an opportunity to do LA Fashion show because they not tryna pay me. I AM NOT A SLAVE. I DO NOT WORK FOR FREE. Remix Drake “I shouldn’t have to work for free”. The fact that they even THOUGHT I would work for FREE when I’m still out in these streets is CRAZY! That means it’s my fault for being nice. I remember when I decided to quit my job before I became an instructor. I left for Vegas to attend NBA con. I never heard of NBA con before.

One day I was thinking about how much I hated my job and how I wanted to quit. Next thing you know I hear a radio ad for NBA con in Las Vegas. I said “Hmmm? Maybe I could go and do media.” This was my escape plan out of the shop. I told myself when I’m done doing hair then I’ll do media. When I left for NBA con, I just left. I didn’t tell my job because I figured if this works out, I’m not going back to work! Here is another thing about jobs, YOU CANT TELL THEM YOUR PLANS.

When I went to NBA con, I had 2 jobs. One cutting hair and one teaching it. I knew one of them was gonna have to go. I genuinely enjoyed teaching so I didn’t want to quit just yet but I was TIRED of cutting! As soon as I got to Vegas, my managers started BLOWING ME TF UP! It made me UPSET.

Here I am. In Vegas, trying to start my new opportunity and I got my job trying to distract me. To be honest, I think it worked too because I ended up being late for NBA con. However I was right on time.

The same thing that happened in Vegas, happened in Miami. That’s when I realized a pattern. This was a sign for me to go ahead and quit because these jobs are trying to hold me back. Why is it that when I’m around in LA I never hear from them but as soon as I leave, you blow my phone up. That’s weird.

In the end, I’m leaving after this weekend. Actually I’m just gonna go back to the airport with Victoria and travel to New York. I’m done with LA. The men out here REALLY suck and I can’t work a job. The men are so feminine in LA, I doubt I’ll find a man here that will take care of me so I’m out! Once I realized how limited my work has gotten, I said to myself “Being an independent woman is dead".

Honestly that concept died once I got my cosmetology license. I just knew I needed to be with a man who has more than me. Men who only want to TAKE from you without ADDING to you are VAMPIRES. If I feel that a man is trying to take ANYTHING from me, whether it is money, my energy, or vagina I GIVE BACK THAT SAME ENERGY! The old Malon was too much! Being nice really does get you taken advantage of. I TAKE WHATS MINE AND TAKE SOME MORE! If you sense a man is trying to take anything from you ladies RUN! You are in trouble. He gonna take you straight to hell! I only want to be around men that can ADD! We don’t divide and we don’t subtract. We ADD and multiply.

Last night one of my barber friends hit me up. He’s in LA but just for 1 day. He’s from Nigeria. I’m so happy for him because he just got his citizenship. I’ve known this man for 4 years and never really knew his name. We only call him BOSS MAN or MONEY MAN. So when BOSS man called me, I answered! I’m thinking to myself “Thank GOD! Now I can get some money!” I haven’t been working.

I am not ashamed to say that I need to depend on a man. As a woman, I think its okay. To be honest, my brothers have been saying this for so long! “When you gonna get a man to take care of you?” Before I used to get offended. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. Now I realize that I CANNNOTTT.

When I saw Boss man, I didn’t have to ask for money. He just offered it. Honestly, I needed the money to get my ticket out of LA. I just told him I want out. He said to me “Don’t stay here another second if you don’t think this is where you want to be. JUST GO!” In his Nigerian voice. I said okay I’m OUT!

The only thing that bothered me about that meet up was his friend. They started arguing about him giving women money. He felt they didn’t deserve it. I kept looking at his friend like BOY SHUT UP! They invited other girls to the room while I stayed behind at the hotel restaurant. When they came back, the girls did not look happy to see me there. I didn't even smile or be nice. NICE FOR WHAT? I don’t know these girls and LA girls are NOT a vibe. So I just laid on the couch on my phone ignoring them. They got so upset by my presence I heard one of them say “You didn’t tell us she would be here.” Black American woman are funny. They want to use African men for money but get mad when they see an African woman around him. His friend clapped back, “Why are you worried about her? She’s not worried about you.” I really wasn’t. I just kept ignoring them. Finally Boss man just gave them some money so they could leave. She got upset “You not about to just run us out of here with money!” Boss man says “ I give you money for your time already! You can go!” They left but then they tried to come back! “I left my purse! I don’t want my purse in there with her!” Mind you, I didn’t even realize her purse was there.

That whole situation made me realize that some women will never be satisfied and no matter what I do even if its absolutely nothing SOME WOMEN WILL ALWAYS BE PRESSED BY MY PRESENCE. SO NICE FOR WHAT?

I don’t have to be nice if I don’t want to whether it is to a man or woman because typically I have to wait to see if they even like me anyway. Imagine if I would’ve been nice to those girls that were clearly bothered by my presence. I would have wasted nice energy on them when I could be saving that nice energy for my children or some one else’s child. They don’t deserve it. Boss man friend didn’t like the fact that he gave them money to leave either. I didn’t care. I knew that’s what they wanted. They assumed I was gaining more than them when I was getting the same thing they were money. I may have gotten a little more but that’s because I didn’t just meet Boss man that day.

Boss man gave me money and asked me to leave too but not in that manner! WHY? Because he wants to be by himself so he paid us out. There’s nothing wrong with that. I left gladly! It’s not like I left empty handed or wasted my time. I didn’t leave my purse behind as an excuse to come back. I just said thank you and goodbye! Nice and simple. I can be nice to BOSS man because he has always been nice to me. I don’t use him for his money. He’s someone I actually enjoy talking to or being around. He just happens to have money. I don’t think I should talk to men if they don’t have money because its a waste of my breath. Just because a man has money doesn’t mean you have to be nice to him either.

Wait and see if he is deserving of it. Men with money can be jerks just like the broke ones. Just know

DONT BE NICE IF YOU DONT HAVE TO BE! You can be polite. You can be cool. You can be kind. BUT NICE FOR WHAT? It’s not worth it. I want to give New York a try because New York people are definitely not NICE. They mind their business and focus on their moves. However people from New York do lookout for you if they got love for you. I believe there’s a lot more love for me there than here in LA. All these fake nice people in LA deep down really hate my guts. That’s why everyone is so fake. EVERYONE ACTS NICE. They are just doing what they know best ACTING. they couldn’t stand my african self out here in LA. They hated me so bad but they acted nice to me so I could lower my defenses so I wouldn't be prepared for an attack. After living in LA for over a year, LA embedded NICE FOR WHAT in my head. So I’m just spreading the message. Drake was not wrong!! I would much rather have tough love, true genuine love or people just leaving me completely TF alone. My family members, brothers and cousins have never really been nice but they always put me on game. Now when people are nice I have to question their motives and intentions. Even for myself. When I think about how nice I have been I wonder “Do people think I’m being deceitful because I’m too nice?”

That’s why being nice has served no good for me. No one ever believes I am as nice as I really am so why reveal it. Conceal it and show it to people who you believe deserve your niceness. If not NICE FOR WHAT?

Slim Shady