Sundaze

Greetings! I’m back and I’m better but barely. I’m taking things day by day. Happy St. Patricks Day. Today makes 1 week since Top Shelf Getaways Music Bash Yacht party. I’m finally coming down from my Colombia trip but I still feel sick. Either way I still had to return back to regular scheduled programming. What is interesting to me is the timeline of the trip I took with Top Shelf Getaways for Serdarius birthday this year in Colombia compared to the trip I took last year in Tulum. That’s when I lived in LA. It’s crazy to think how much has changed in just 1 year. I was thinking about it today.

Yesterday was my first day back at work after taking nearly 9 months off. That’s a whole pregnancy. During that 9 months I was doing a lot of soul searching. I really didn’t want to do hair anymore. There was a part of me that didn’t know what I wanted to do. I started teaching as a way to transition out of the salon. Then I quit that job too. Working in LA overworked me. I cant believe I went this long without working. When I decided to move back to Atlanta, I went through a phase of not wanting to work. Everything I experienced in LA was overwhelming. When I got back to Atlanta, I had to reenergize myself. A lot of people are realizing that I moved back. The secret is out.

It’s only a matter of time before I get tired of Atlanta but right now this is where I need to be. Last year after Serdarius birthday, I got offered a job to work in a Male Grooming Salon. A year later, I get a job offer from the same company in a different location. The irony of it all. However, I had to prepare myself mentally for work. My experience working in LA altered my perception of the industry. I wanted to have a clear mind. When I got the job I was excited. My first day of work wasn’t so exciting. I was reminded me of when I first started cutting. People would always want me to “prove” myself to them.

When dealing with personal and professional relationships, at some point you have to know who and what you are dealing with. There cannot always be an expectation. Feeling the need to “prove” myself is something I felt I had to do in order to get an opportunity. I’m at that point where I don’t feel I should prove anything. Either you want me or you don’t. I don’t take kind to threats whether in personal or professional relationships. I’m very aware of my value but I’m humble enough to admit that my position can be replaced at any moment.

Today on this beautiful Sunday, I was able to talk to a coworker who has been in the industry a lot longer than I have. She looks like she could be in her 50s or 60s. This woman looks like that could be me in the next 20-30 years. She had blonde hair, a curvy body, colorful make up and had waist beads. She reassured me that everyone in the shop is here to help me grow and be better. However she explained that because they came out of a rocky situation, they’re a paranoid about who they hire. When she explained it to me, I couldn’t help but think about relationships. I thought about how people go into relationships already expecting or thinking the worst because of a previous situation that already happened. I expressed my doubts because I was confused on why I was hired. If you’re going to look for my imperfections, than that’s what I’m going to give. How can someone put their best effort forward to someone expecting the worst? That’s unfair but that happens a lot. In this case, it’s happening in my professional world but this has happened in personal relationships as well.

Where I am in my life, I cannot afford to waste time on people who choose to see what’s wrong with me rather than focusing on the good things about me. Sometimes things can be both good and true. However we have all experienced somewhat of a disappointment whether it is in our professional or personal life. Experiencing disappointment isn’t the end of the world but expecting disappointment can end things before they even start. Having faith in others is not a lost art but it is not encouraged.

I was day dreaming a lot at work today. Since it was slow I left early. I kept thinking about last Sunday and how I was dazed and confused. That Colombia trip really had me in a chokehold and I’m not just saying that I mean that from the back of my throat. I didn’t give fellatio if that is what you are thinking however I did feel sexually liberated. My good sis Michelle told me that I have a 1 guy rule for sex.

“You went to Colombia knowing you wanted to comeback a different type of b!tch.” These are Michelle’s words and she is not lying. I couldn’t help but think about how much of a different person I was in Colombia. It is crazy how an environment can influence one’s behavior. The girls in Colombia were all so beautiful and sexually inviting. I was watching how they interacted with men. The women have no problem being sexually suggestive even towards me. I never seen anything like that.

What I concluded from this experience is if I want to have sex, I should probably do it in an environment that is inviting and exciting. It has to make sense. Having sex in America does not sound exciting at all. After ending my celibacy journey, I believe all my sexual experiences should be out side of America. This Colombia trip taught me how to trust the unknown. When I was paragliding, I had no choice but to trust that lady would get me to the ground safely. There were so many times I had to trust people without knowing what was going to actually happen. Experiencing trauma does make it hard to trust others but that is why I encourage healing. Even for myself, I have to let go of my past

I have no regrets about my trip to Colombia. I learned some things about myself that I didn’t realize. A part of me wishes I didn’t drink so much because I’m STILL feeling it nearly a week later. I’m ready for my next trip. I already requested off because I already need a vacation after my first day. I’m going to do my best to stick with this and be positive about the possibilities of outcomes.

It can go either way

If I could get that same energy in return that would be great. If not, then I may have to exit stage left.

You will never be good enough for someone who looks for the bad in you and you will always be bad to someone who refuses to see the good in you. So choose people or opportunities who can see the good in you and appreciate the good you but still accept you regardless if you have a “bad” side too.

Wish me luck!

Happy St. Patricks Day

Thanks for letting me share!

-Malon Mahotiere