Waist Bead Wednesday-Mothers Day Recap

Greetings! I am slightly “delayed” when it comes to Mothers Day wishes. I was busy processing my thoughts. Now I’m ready to share. This Mothers Day was an interesting one for me because I didn't feel sad for once. Actually, I felt relieved. People kept wishing me a happy Mothers Day all weekend. I just received it. Since I moved out of Atlanta, I haven’t experienced Mothers Day until now. This year felt different than the rest. My mother has been gone for all of my life. Since losing her I always dreamed of being a mother one day. As a child I always wanted to be a mom but I knew that it took a lot of dedication. Although my mother is gone, she dedicated a lot for me and my brothers. In the short amount of time I spent with her while she was alive, I’ve learned so much about what it means to be a mother and what it means to love your children. Even after death, the love a parent shares for their child or children does not go away. However, I am aware of how many people including children did not or do not receive proper love from their mother. This ultimately effects your life in adulthood whether people like to acknowledge it or not. I have to be grateful for the fact that I will always have my mothers love. In my last blog I talked about my “inner child healing”. I realized my issues were child abandonment. I never took the time to process what psychological effect that may have had on me growing up. I’m also focusing on learning how to heal from abandonment issues regardless if I am conscious of it or not. These issues is why people self sabotage or block blessings for themselves. Fear of abandonment is a psychological side effect of trauma. Depending on the severity of the trauma, you will see how these abandonment issues can cause problems in other areas of your life. My abandonment issues derived from losing my mother beyond my control. Sometimes feelings of abandonment are beyond your control especially if its after the death of a loved one. A part of my thought process for healing is to always remember not to feel afraid of being alone or being “abandoned”, because I will never really be alone. My mother is a part of me. The older I grow, the more I am becoming just like her. I also have family and friends that I know love me. There are people I’ve met since moving to Los Angeles that I am grateful I got to know. Sometimes isolation is an illusion. When I think about how many people I come in contact with on a day to day basis, its hard to think that one will have to live a lonely life. This is why the “abandonment” issues can be dissolved by a new way of thinking. My mother did not abandon me. My mother loves me. Although her life was short, I know she would want me to be happy and heal from her loss. This journey is forcing me to keep on revealing more parts of myself. Abandonment issues isn’t even something I would have thought about if it wasn’t for this book I read called “Sexual Anorexia” where it talks about sexual deprivation issues. This book inspired me to go deeper in my soul searching about my celibacy journey. Before I get into a romantic or sexual relationship, I need to do some mental and emotional healing on my own. Simply because sex brings emotions and romance requires mental effort. For a long time I didn’t feel the need to focus on that but recently I decided I need to start being more like my mother. She was married with children by my age. Although my life will never be like my mothers, I do aspire to be like her and have a life similar to hers when she first arrived to America. Sometimes I wish I could talk to her and ask her about her experience. I’m on a journey to find out as much information about my parents as possible. Since I lost everything in the fire, I have no more possessions of theirs. The only thing left are photos from the internet that I’ve shared over the years. I was motivated to start focusing on my book again on Mothers Day. This is something I have been putting off for awhile. I already finished writing it. Now its just a matter of editing it and publishing it. This process has taken me at least 3 years to get to this point but I’m ready to share my story. I think my mother would want that for me. Happy “delayed” Mothers Day to all the mothers out there including myself. S/N: I do have faith that someone will make me a mother one day and until that day comes I will just be preparing.

In honor of my mother Rahmatoullahy Barry Mahotiere I’ve officially added hair beads to my website!

Thank you for letting me share!

Love Always,

Malon Mahotiere