Love season recap

Happy Thursday! Today I am thankful for so much. We are officially in Pisces season which means its safe for me to come back outside. One thing I love about pisces is their ability to be sensitive to others.

Pisces have a natural gift of being empathic and also desensitizing themselves for emotional protection. My oldest brother is a pisces. With their element being in water, pisces tend to be very intuitive naturally but can have an emotional connection to just about anything. I typically get a long well with pisces male and female. Water signs aren’t a problem for me unless they are being too emotional. Sometimes I have to stop myself from being too invested in a water signs emotions. They love their emotions because it is their safe space. They are comfortable with their feelings. I can both admire and appreciate this in water signs. I am working on my own emotional intelligence. It’s officially been 1 week since “Valentines Day” or for some people February 14th. I thought now would be a great time to recap this love season as we prepare for spring. Love season is synonymous for cuffing season. This is the period of time where romantic and interpersonal relationships reflect through various seasonal holidays. Love season officially starts in October but you can start preparing early around Labor Day weekend. This is the time where you can get a good understanding of who you think your team mate will be for the love season. Next would be when the actually season starts which is in October. Halloween is what sets the tone. This is when you get to test the creative expression between you and a lover or friend by dressing up together. Also attending costume parties and Halloween parties is a great way to introduce your relationship to your circle. Then you have the Holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Years. This is the time for family and togetherness. Once the holidays are over, we have Martin Luther King Jr Day and honorable mention my birthday January 6th. The love season finale all comes down to Valentines Day. Isn’t it ironic that the Super Bowl always falls around the same time as Valentines Day?

This love season, I came out a lot better than I came in but I still ended up slightly injured. Before I get into that I want to talk about V-Day. As soon as it became February 14th, I was locked in the studio. This was the perfect way to distract me from what I knew was coming later that day. As usual, I stayed off social media. I recorded 2 songs. One of them called “Act Right”. The song is about being in a relationship with a guy who isn’t acting right but later wants to start acting right all of a sudden.

For Valentines Day, I took myself on a “self love” date. I got a massage. I took a spiritual cleanse bath. I had a foot bath with fish which was something I never done before. I spent the entire holiday by myself. By the end of the night, I was exhausted with emotions. A part of me was happy that I recorded a song but I was upset about spending yet another Valentines Day alone.

This love season my experience taught me things to understand about myself and others. I started reading Sabrina Parr’s book “Playing to win at love.”

Love is a very beautiful thing to experience but if you haven’t experienced the proper love then it may be hard to know what love is. My experience has nothing to do with my being. I know that I come from love and I know the love my parents shared for each other. I know my parents loved me and still do. However I have mistaken love before. Therefore I have an impairment of judgement. I can recognize this as an adult. The love I experienced did not equate to the love I believed I deserved. I then started to feel like I was always having a losing love season. I became celibate in hopes to change my seasons of love but that only made things worse. I decided to have sex for the sake of love.

When I realized I wasn’t having “Birthday Sex”, I started to feel discouraged. I had hope that maybe Valentines Day I would have better luck but I was wrong. Deep down, I knew I wouldn’t have sex on Valentines Day. I started to ask myself “What can you do to ensure you have a better love season?”

As we enter into Pisces season, I want to say that I am officially in my “Spring Fling” era. When I turned 30, I was very serious about being more flirty. I have been more flirty than I have ever been in my entire life but I realize that is not enough. Being flirty can get a man’s attention but how do you keep a man interested in you beyond flirting? I would love to tell you an answer to that question once I know it.

The harsh reality of the truth that I had to accept is that I am not experienced enough to know what it means to have a “winning” love season. The reason why I feel I keep “losing” at love, is because I haven’t given myself a fair assessment of the game that I’m playing. The only love I need to be worried about losing is self love. That is number one. I preach self love a lot not because I don’t think love from others is important. I preach it because sometimes love from others isn’t the love you need.

Everyone has their own idea of what love means for them. I’m still learning what love should mean for me. I believe love should be unconditional but is that unrealistic? If we are speaking in realistic terms, people will have conditions to how they love you based on how they love themselves. All of it is a psychological mental game. If you believe someone loves you, than that thought can manifest into a reality of love. However if you believe someone does not love you the way you should be loved, that can show up in other ways as you start to love yourself more. I keep revisiting my self love journey the more I start to consider loving a person.

I’m glad this love season is ending so I can focus back on myself. This “Spring Fling” era allows me to be flirty at 30 knowing a “fling” doesn’t mean the real “thing”. For many years, I avoided men and relationships while remaining celibate. I thought I should preserve myself for “The One”. I was one of those foolish women who thought that righteousness meant a man would love you. I spent the past 10 years refraining from having sex because I thought this would some how make me appear more “worthy”. Whether I haven’t had sex in 10 years or 10 days doesn’t change how a man will treat me. You could have a 1 night stand and never hear back from him or that 1 night could be the night that starts a new union. You never know.

What I cant lose sight of is hope. I still have faith in love. When I was processing my emotions about Valentines Day, I realized why it is important to feel your feelings. I had to ask myself what was I so upset about? Is it the day itself or is it just the representation of what the day is? Do you feel excluded? Do you feel unworthy? These questions helped me understand that more self love needs to happen. We all deserve to feel loved and appreciated every day, not just on Valentines Day.

However, Valentines Day is one of those days that if you don’t receive anything or don’t feel loved or appreciated that day, it makes you believe that you aren’t loved or appreciated at all which isn’t true.

Sometimes I have to talk to myself and convince myself not to believe the negative things that come up in my head. I was able to finish the book “The Search for the Real Self” during the end of love season. This book gave me hope to one day find true love whether it is from myself or someone else.

The solution to those who have “abandonment depression” is to put themselves in an environment where they are forced to create and express themselves in a way that combats their need to isolate. Isolation is a form of protection. We isolate ourselves because it feels safe but that is not the case. When you struggle with abandonment depression, the last thing you want to do is isolate.

That’s what I did after Valentines Day was officially over. I isolated myself for a week. What made me get out of that isolation is when I got a message from my boss about someone wanting their hair done. I told myself to snap out of my emotions and get back into the program. This past week I spent time alone in my new place processing my thoughts. A part of me thinking about being single.

These are thoughts that I have when I am struggling with “abandonment depression.” I start thinking about things that will make me feel better. To think that a lover or friend will help alleviate the pain I feel is unfair. I can only be responsible for making myself feel better. However, a lover or friend may help you feel less alone. Being alone is a super power compared to people who cannot handle being by themselves. I can say that I’ve taken loneliness to new levels. It is okay to be loved by others. I figured out that a trauma response to abandonment depression is sabotaging relationships, avoiding relationships and rejecting. I started working on that. No matter how uncomfortable it felt for me, I remained open. I knew that if I ever wanted love, that I would have to be open to understanding and I would have to be patient. It never occurred to me that I would need the same type of consideration. Trying to love after heartbreak, abuse, or trauma is like learning how to walk again after something traumatic happens. You know how easy it was when you could do it but it is when you cant do it the way you used to when you realize how challenging it is. Every step, every movement, every direction you take to move forward is worth being excited about. When babies first learn to walk, they do not get discouraged when they fall. They sit and think about how they’re going to get up and keep going. The same thought process can work for love. When you lose your ability to walk, it may be hard to think of life without walking. This is the same thing when you lose the ability to love. You may never know the great wonderful things you are missing out on because your ability to love has been limited. Imagine regaining that ability to love just the same way as someone regains the ability to walk. You will appreciate every step and every move you make.

It may be extreme to compare the ability to walk to someone’s ability to love but that is how vital love can be to one’s life. When someone is without love, you can tell. They aren’t the same person then if they had love. This is why so many women choose to be in denial. It’s not that they don’t want to know the truth, but believing in a fantasy just feels better. I’m the type of woman that needs to know the truth.

This Spring, I decided to have “flings” and see where “things” go. I don’t have any expectations of anyone including myself. That was my issue. I guess I was expecting too much. Valentines Day is over but next year I expect to celebrate it with a lover or friend. I have an entire year to prepare.

When it comes to me, I ended my celibacy because I wanted to have sex again and I still want to have sex. However I am being cognitive. While in Miami for my Flirty 30 birthday, I was given 4 condoms. I kept all 4 of them just in case I get “lucky”. I told my sis Michelle, “I can either have sex 4 times with the same guy or have sex once with 4 different guys.” Michelle responds “Whoa! You went too far with that one buddy! You gotta slow down. Just find one guy, and do it 4 times. 4 different guys is wild.”

What’s funny about all of this is the fact that I have no plan on how or who I will use any of these condoms on. I will have to see what I manifest for me. I know that sex can be necessary for intimacy depending on the circumstances and if I want me to feel connected to someone then I gotta DO IT.

If I’m not sexually attracted to you than I don’t see the point in having a “fling”. I don’t want to burden myself with the responsibilities of falling in love.

I just want to have fun this spring and summer!

Yes I’m single. Ready to mingle and jingle

WE OUTSIDE!

I will see you all at Coco Drip: March 2nd, 2024 in Atlanta from 12:00pm-4pm

Be blessed.

-Malon Mahotiere