2023 Recap: Transformation of self-Death and Rebirth

Greetings Royal family! Today is a very significant day. As we wrap up the year 2023, I want to express how life changing and transformative this year was. Today 12/23/23 is the perfect day to reflect and assess what I experienced this year. With Christmas approaching in 2 days, my 30th birthday approaching in 2 weeks and the New Year arriving in less than a week, it’s time to dissect. I’m starting with the removing, releasing and restoring of energy that needs to happen before 2024. When the New Year started, I must say I entered the year knowing that this year would change my life.

It all started at Big Bear with Top Shelf Getaways. I have to thank Serdarius Blain for being a part of my journey since moving to Los Angeles. Not only has Serdarius’s travel group helped me meet new people, but it allowed me to see myself as valuable to others especially strangers as I see myself. I had no idea Serdarius was as famous as he was until I did my research on him after I already joined his travel group. When the clock striked 12:00 at the start of the year, it started snowing. Snow in Los Angeles isn’t common but we were in the mountains. When we realized it was snowing, we all got excited. It was a magical moment shared. Everyone went around and gave hugs to one another. We wished everyone in that space a Happy New Year. The next day, I decided to stay in my guest area. I rested and reflected on how I pictured my year going. There was no way I could have prepared this year to go the way it did. I would say I met a lot of celebrities but I am not as aware of them as others may be. A lot of celebrities met ME, Malon Mahotiere aka Mel aka MALON SALON this year. I am grateful for my experience with them. Another thing that happened this year was I dated. Something I never thought I would enjoy to do again. Not only did I have great dates but I had horrible ones as well which means I know exactly what I don’t want just as much as what I DO want.

The men I have come in contact with in 2023 made me realize the work I have been doing on myself to heal allowed me to attract better. Should I go down the list? I attracted both regular guys and famous ones. I can talk about my experiences without mentioning their names in case they are married, divorced, in a relationship or situationship. Rather than saying their names I’ll describe the experience and mention the line of work they’re involved in. You all can play blues clues to try and figure out who’s who.

January- I met an Actor who has worked closely with Tyler Perry. This man was attracted to me but I could tell he wasn’t sure how to express that. Instead he just kept coming around me and bringing up conversation. However I could not receive men well so all I could do was be polite to him. I had no idea he was famous either. The entire time I was around him, there was a young lady who was around me. She was more of a fan of him than I was. Famous people seem to have complexities about them that I can recognize more than the normal person can. I read their body language. I can tell when they are uncomfortable, excited or paranoid. I can also sense when they are relaxed or at ease. It’s easy for me to tell but not so easy for others to recognize. This actor kept approaching me to “talk” and he talked to me a lot about his life growing up. He grew up without parents like I did. Maybe it was a trauma bond or maybe he thought I was someone he could talk to because I can relate to his childhood. Either way I am glad I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with this person. However I am very concerned about him based on what I’ve been seeing in the media recently. I try not to follow too much of what is on social media because it is triggering to see people discuss such sensitive matters. All I can say now is that I hope this person receives more peace, love and a safe space to heal in 2024.

February- I worked with my first male model on set who also is an athlete. This man was very nice and good looking also. When I got to the set I was late. I just knew I was going to get fired but I didn’t. When I arrived, I knew I had a male talent to work with. He was so calm and I was so NOT calm. I was anxious as hell. By the end of the work day, I managed to calm down. Although my boss wasn’t the best person, I’m grateful for the opportunities. I worked on my first set assisting with her and assisted for a magazine shoot with Cosmopolitan. That was a cool moment. I was glad that my first male model was as calm as he was because it helped me calm down. From there we exchanged instagrams and stayed in touch. I had no idea how talented this man was beyond modeling. In fact when I met him, he had JUST started modeling not even a full year. I thought he had been modeling forever. I worked with him on a second shoot later in the year. Unfortunately that was the last set job for me because I couldn’t deal with my boss anymore. She was way too controlling. Overall I am grateful for the experience of knowing this male model. He is a very good looking person but more than looks he actually is just dope overall and extremely talented.

March- I went to Mexico for the 1st time and met some amazing men and women in Tulum. I celebrated Serdarius birthday and I am so glad I went to that! WE HAD A GREAT TIME! I took ecstasy for the first time from peer pressure. This year was the year of doing something I’ve never done before and I never did ecstasy. That was the only drug I was considering trying. It didn’t end well. When we got to Tulum we had all this fun stuff planned for us to do. I dragged myself out of bed. When we headed to our fun activities an Actor from the show Power wanted to sit next to me on the ride there. I was sick, vomiting. Although I was still looking cute but I was feeling like crap. Some other girls were mad because they wanted his attention but he was paying attention to me. I’m thinking to myself “WHY? Why did I take that damn ecstasy pill on top of drinking like a fish.” That experience made me realize how men find me attractive even when I am not being attractive at all. He was so nice to me and when we got to the fun part, I fell asleep. Eventually I woke up and got in the water. I didn’t stop vomitting until the next day. Then I finally felt better. The actor left me alone eventually but I thought that was so nice of him to care enough to be around even though I clearly was not looking or acting sexy. I saw him later that year but this time he wasn’t single. He had a lady friend with him.

April-May-June: These are the months where transformation took place. I decided it was time for me to change and get ready to be back outside. This came to me for a couple of reasons, one of them being that I finally decided to start dating but also because I had to leave the place I was living in Los Angeles. I was literally forced to be outside. I hadn’t been on a date since November 2022. I decided to start dating again once I realized I was tired of being masculine. I was working extremely hard. I was homeless once again and forced to live in hotels. The only significant change was having a car. Although my car was old, it worked perfectly fine. April I was still working on set but I wasn’t getting called to assist as much. I didn’t like the feeling of relying on other people for money so I started to do my own thing. I kept trying to figure out new ways to reinvent myself. I kept getting stuck. I had a new barbering job but things went left when the owner of the shop was forcing me to compete with another man. The man she hired as my competition was a feminine man. He was in the same situation that I was in, homeless sleeping in his car. I started vibrating at a frequency that was forcing me to compete with men rather than being protected or provided for by men. By the time it was June, I decided to STOP competing with men, stop being masculine and strategize to get out of survival mode. With the help of SheraSeven’s TikTok videos going viral, I found her YouTube page. This woman literally changed my life! I was fed up with myself. I loved being a barber but I was tired of competing with men to do it or being forced to prove myself. I just wanted to have fun and be a feminine girl.

During the Summer of 2023, I was given the opportunity to become a barber instructor. I told my niece this was my next phase of my career. My nieces want to pursue beauty. I have one who is interested in nails and another interested in hair. I am proud of both of them and I am happy to know that I could set a positive example for them. My niece told me she was living with her boyfriend and they were planning names for their baby. I thought to myself “How is little Nini getting further in dating than me and I am supposed to be the example?” There I was listening to her and learning from her plans. She was so excited when speaking about her boyfriend but she also had her own plans too. Not only was I proud of my niece but I was also enlightened by her maturity. She enjoyed her relationship without losing focus on her own goals and plans. We love that for our young girls. My niece’s boyfriend is a nice guy. I met him on Valentines Day weekend. I kept traveling to Las Vegas thinking I could receive help from my sister out there but I was wrong. I traveled to Las Vegas in hopes to find better men to date because Los Angeles wasn’t giving me the energy I needed. During the month of June is when I decided I would stop cutting hair and focus on jobs that I could be more feminine or at least be more balanced with my masculine energy. My masculine energy derives from not having my mother and constantly being surrounded by boys as a child. Being around other women made me happy until I realized women aren’t always the best people to me. I was searching for that feminine connection in friendships. I wanted women to help show me how to be more like them and less like how I was..

Before I go into the second half of 2023, I want to acknowledge the beginning and the end of myself. There was both a death and rebirth that was taking place that started in the Month of May. Mothers Day was the first indication that I was being reborn. Everyone kept wishing me a Happy Mothers Day. This was also when I became homeless once again that carried into 9 months.. I was not expecting to be homeless for this long. I thought I would eventually find shelter again for myself but I never did. By the end of 2023, I decided to move back to Atlanta. After everything I experienced, I realized that there is no place like home. What I left in Atlanta was not something that I could forget. I missed being in an environment where I could be my authentic self. Whether people liked it or not, I did not have to confine myself in any way to fit in. People accepted me or rejected me. I missed that simplicity. All the fake love in Los Angeles was starting to mess with my head to be honest. When I arrived back in Atlanta, I had a female friend that I met in the Travel Group extend their home to me. I was assured that I made the right decision. While staying at this woman’s house, we talked about life. She lost her mother as a child also. We talked about how that shaped our perception of women. When I mentioned I had been homeless sleeping in hotels, motels or my car since May that is when I realized that it will be 9 months of me living this way in January. “That’s a whole pregnancy.” In my mind, I never thought of it like that. My living situation was not the death of my existence. In fact, it was a way for me to have a rebirth. What I will be giving birth to in the New Year will be an extension of me.

July was probably the most significant turning point for me on my journey for many reasons. This is the month of my parents death anniversary. I typically hate the month of July but after this year, I feel differently. I am grateful for that mental shift. For the very first time in my life, I saw an NBA player off the court. I’ve been to NBA games before and I’ve sang at a few Hawks games when I was in choir at Shiloh High School. The second day of the year I attended a NBA game in Los Angeles at the Crypto center. So seeing NBA players on the court isn’t that exciting for me but NBA con was being promoted on the radio so I figured, why not go? When I decided to go, this is after I decided I didn’t want to work for other people anymore. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with myself or my career. I took a break from LA Film School so I could teach. When I got my teaching job, I found myself in yet another controlling environment. I told my manager that I wanted to pursue media. I took time off just to attend this NBA con event. I had no idea what would transpire from going but I was kinda desperate. I thought to myself “This event may give me the inspiration I need so I know what to do next.” I got my first media badge for BET weekend with Ace World Magazine. I never received a media badge before. I took it as a badge of honor. Then suddenly I realized what kind of world the media industry is. It’s nothing like the beauty industry. I was entering a whole new world. Once I got a taste of it, I had an idea of what lane I could go in. That’s when the mermaid in me came out. I was so determined to be a part of that media world. I called someone up that I met from BET weekend. I met a lot of celebrities that BET weekend: rappers, actors and some love and hip hop people. It was great but to me it was not significant enough. I had no idea what to do after meeting them. The celebrities gravitated towards me but I felt unprepared to provide anything. NBA con was my second media opportunity. I wasn’t sure what would come from this experience. I just know I risked everything to go to Las Vegas and attend. I had 2 jobs at the time as always. One job was fine with me leaving but the other job wanted me to work. I refused to compete with men so I had to make a choice right there. That choice was, if you go to this event then you have to be okay with losing this job permanently. That drive to Las Vegas for NBA con was a scary 1. I drove my car because I never drove to Vegas before. I don’t think I will do that again unless someone is with me. There was a point that I stopped driving and got tired. I was in the middle of a dirt road. I thought to myself “If you don’t keep driving, you’re going to die out here.” This was a life or death situation. That’s when I hit the road and I listened to Shera Seven’s long YouTube videos to keep me awake. The drive to Las Vegas from Los Angeles was only 4 hours but that was the longest 4 hours of my life. When I arrived I went straight to sleep after checking in to my hotel. That’s when I got a call from my media buddy to hurry up and get to NBA con. He already had his media badge and he assured that I should be able to receive mine. So I got ready. I did my makeup but nothing too dramatic. I didn’t have much time.

I’m not going to say I met this NBA player because it wasn’t a formal meeting. If I had to describe what that experience was, I would describe it as entering his world. With all the celebrities that I’ve met this year whether it was person to person, face to face, conversation or just a hi and bye moment, none of that compares to what it was like when I saw this NBA player that day. It was not something I could just describe or explain because you truly just “had to be there.” I was blown away by that experience. Without describing every detail of what happened lets just say I playfully “Shot my shot” by walking right in front of him and asking for an autograph knowing I had nothing to give him to sign. Honestly, I was just being silly. I wasn’t being serious until one of his fans pushed me right after I did that. My reaction was to get away as soon as possible. What if a fight broke out? How embarrassing would that have been for me to try and fight her for pushing me. I didn’t even know WHO pushed me. All I know is that I got pushed. I even thought one of his security guards pushed me. In the moment, everything happened so fast so I couldn’t figure out who to blame. I said to myself “Well, that’s what you get for being thirsty.” Then I went on to attend the rest of the event which was wonderful. I quit my job that next day to attend the pool party. I met this young lady named Genesis who is also a teacher and I told her I was thinking of moving to Las Vegas. Me and Genesis partied all night until her husband took me back to my hotel. When it was time for me to tell people about my NBA con experience I got a lot of weird reactions. The only people who seemed to give me a positive reaction was my two brothers. One brother was really happy for me and the other brother was happy but wasn’t trying to act like it. Yet he still had more positive feedback about it than other people I told. This NBA player had just retired. What is even more interesting is I read about his retirement in the media on my way to Las Vegas for my niece’s graduation. When I saw he was retiring I thought to myself “WHY?” Then I remembered a few years back I was reading in the media that he was getting a divorce so I figured maybe that was why. When I read about his divorce, I didn’t have any feelings about it. I just assumed it wasn’t meant to be. The retirement is what had me wondering what was going on. I thought this man would be playing at least until he was in his mid 40s. I kept wondering “Retirement already? Is he injured? Is he getting old? What could it be? Why now?” I even went as far to look up how long he’s been playing and how old he was. When I found out he wasn’t 40 yet, I’m thinking “Maybe its personal.” Either way I found it very ironic that I saw this NBA player in the same place where I read about his retirement. He always been one of my favorite players but I don’t watch enough TV to keep up with the NBA. I just ask my brothers questions if I care to know about a specific player and this player I’ve known since I was in elementary. I used to choose his character to play in the video game NBA Street Ball.

After NBA con, I felt good about going. Everything about the event was phenomenal. It was worth it. My life changing experienced happened. I went back to Las Vegas just because. The people kept talking about “Summer league”. I’m like what is that? I called my brother and asked him if he knew “Hell yeah I know about Summer League.” I tried to do some media stuff there but I kept being too late. Luckily people were still nice enough to let me in the games. The same NBA player I saw was there but I didn’t find that out until later. I was mad I didn’t see him again. I was thinking “I need a proper meeting. That wasn’t fair! I got pushed out the way. That was my only chance!” If it wasn’t for my brother, I would have never reevaluated that moment into something positive. I figured my plan didn’t work. I got pushed out the way. I was definitely plotting to bag a baller if I could get close enough. When I told him that I saw him, he wanted proof. I sent him my TikTok video of NBA con and when he watched the video he yelled “MALON, you were right there! He looked right at that camera at you! Damn that’s wassup! I know that probably made his day. Good sh!t sis, that’s wassup.” I’m like wait a minute. Let me look again. So I watched the video over and over again. Not only did he look at the camera but he looked over at the girl right after she pushed me before I ran off. So now I’m thinking, I know this man remembers.

July was the start but it didn’t end there. August, I had to make adjustments. I decided I didn’t want to date men for no reason. I told myself meaningless dating is a waste of my valuable time and energy. I can say that I gained enough confidence to properly use my feminine energy but something didn’t feel right. There are women who can date, go out and accept money, gifts or opportunities from men just because they know he is attracted to them. I love that for the girls but I am not that girl. Not only did I want to stop meaningless dating, I wanted to date men that are doing significantly better than I am in life. August taught me that dating older men or any men who do not have anything to offer me is stupid and pathetic. Why give a woman your all when you don’t have much yourself? I didn’t feel guilty for leaving some men exactly where I found them. I was upset that I was attracting men in the same situation I was but the only difference is that they are men. Women use men but men use women also. These men would try to convince me to get a place with them just because they don’t have stable living. POR QUOI?

Women who live with men whether it is in a relationship or a roommate should always have their own life. For me, I never thought about the circumstances of living with a man until men kept presenting it to me. I wasn’t interested. I wasn’t feeling their presentation or their delivery. As desperate as I may have been to have stable living, I was not that desperate to give in. In fact, I’d like to argue that I wasn’t desperate at all. I simply blocked those men out of my life and I started focusing on “Leveling up”. If I am attracting these men in my same situation then I am clearly not where I need to be. I should be attracting men who want to help me because they CAN. Not men who are worst off. That is when I knew it was time for a new crown. I thought about NBA con. I thought about what it took for me to be in that environment. I thought “Why don’t you focus on that instead? Think about how you were treated and how easy things went for you. That is what you want. Life should be easy.”

This year made me realize that I had been too hard on myself. My life has been full of hard work. When I realized that I was attracting men who wanted to benefit off of my hard work rather than add to the work I’ve already put in, I knew I had to transform myself again. I had to become even more feminine. I was doing okay but it wasn’t enough. Even after quitting my job that forced me to compete with other men, I still wasn’t as feminine as I should have been to get the “soft life” I desired. So I went back to the drawing board. I went spiritual. I knew I needed a whole new crown. So I cut off all my damaged, fried, broken off hair and allowed my natural hair to grow. I let my natural hair grow as I prepared to see my new stylist Uno. I chose Uno because I worked on top of his work for a client on BET weekend. When she showed me his work, I just knew I had to book an appointment with him. I didn’t care how much it would cost me. Before you can book with Uno, he needs to do a virtual consultation with you. We had our initial consultation on my drive back from NBA con. After that experience, I knew exactly how I wanted to look if I was to ever date an NBA player. I knew Uno would get the job done right the first time. It was so hot in Las Vegas and my car had no AC. He told me call him back once I get stabled but he agreed to do my hair. I am so thankful for Uno. His hair appointments feel like therapy sessions. I had my virtual appointment in July and scheduled for my actual appointment in September. That was the only time he had available.

First day of September I quit my Barber Instructor job because it was getting too toxic. The students weren’t the problem nor was the position. My manager was low-key harassing me about me always needing to sit down. The entire working environment was toxic for the students and myself. My students were truly amazing and I enjoyed teaching them. Even though I was sleeping in my car and in hotels, I would come to class and give them everything I had. Too bad that was the problem. They didn’t like me sharing my knowledge with the students. I’ve been doing hair for so long that I’m tired of it. I don’t want to do it unless I’m getting paid a lot of money to do so. Therefore I don’t mind sharing all that I know and I KNOW ALOT. I went to both barbering and cosmetology school so my education and training is extensive. They hired me as a barber instructor but the cosmetology students wanted me to help them too. I didn’t see what the problem was but the other instructors didn’t like it. When I quit I wasn’t sure if I was making the right choice at first. Something in my spirit told me that it wasn’t safe to be there. In the mist of my “job abandonment”, I saw the same NBA player repost something from a famous comedian about a live taping show in Miami. I thought “I’d rather go to Miami than go back to work.” Maybe that decision was a bit irrational but I figured I was either going to see the NBA player from NBA con again or a very well known comedian or both. Even if I didn’t see either, I just wanted to get out of LA and have fun. Miami is so much fun. I haven’t been there since my apartment burned down in 2021. I convinced myself I was due for another Miami trip. Before I went to Miami, I had my hair appointment with Uno. I said to myself “If I see this NBA player again, I need to look better than the first time.” Not only was I trying to see him but I was hoping he would sign a copy of his book. I got it after NBA con. I just went crazy with the research on him. I really don’t pay attention to people until I see them live and direct. Once I saw him in person, I started looking up more information about him until I realized he had a book. I love reading so I thought getting his book would be better than reading whatever is on the internet. You cant always trust what they put out in the media but a book is more of a reliable source. Once I read his book, I knew I had to see him again. I wasn’t even done reading it. It took me awhile to read the whole thing because it was so sad. I had to read it in doses. It made me look at him completely different. That’s when I knew I had to go to Miami just so he could see me. I was hoping I wouldn’t get pushed this time but I got blocked.

Someone blocked me from being able to go inside so I stood out the window to wave at him. Then someone blocked me from that too by standing in the way. At first it bothered me but than I didn’t care. I knew he had to see me at least once out that window. I was trying to get his attention and I believe it worked yet again! After that I left the studio. When I went to Miami I had a great time. I met a lot of guys that were nice. Two guys offered to pay for my hotel to let me stay longer. I had no where else to go. Eventually I went back to LA. After I finished reading the NBA players book, I was hoping I would see him again one day in the future. At the end of September I went to a All white yacht party with my cousin. This was her first time in LA. I wanted her to join Serdarius Travel Group. The yacht party was fun but my mind was on many other things. September was cool but next month everything shifted. I stopped talking about my experiences to people because of their reactions. People I was once close to started acting so different towards me. I started breaking a lot of trauma bonds with people in my family. Friends that I have known for years were mad at me for “changing.” One friend told me I was too pretty to be trying to finesse and get guys to give me stuff for free. That’s when I knew that friendship had to end. I’m thinking to myself “Girl I’m tired of working! I’m too pretty to work like I’m a man.”

The girls that get it GET IT and the girls that don’t DON’T. October was the month that I went to my first WNBA game. I saw a lot of celebrities there too: more NBA players, rappers, and even one of my favorite actresses. I also snuck into the media room and got invited to eat at their “table”. I felt so honored. Since NBA con I was just on this NBA wave. It eventually died out. I still love basketball but everything just became too much for me. I don’t know how, what, why or when but somehow me seeing this NBA player made a lot of things shift quick. Perceptions of reality were not what they used to be. I don’t know if I can explain it. That’s why I stopped. When I speak aloud people think I’m being paranoid. Some think I read too deeply into things so I just stopped talking overall. There are certain things that I want to talk to someone about but I just cannot. They either won’t believe me or they will be too negative and doubtful which will only cloud my mind with thoughts other than my own.

To wrap this up I’ll talk about November and December. Without specifying who, I got a DM from one of the various “famous” men that I mentioned from this year. It was unexpected yet I was expecting it. I learned my lesson many years ago to never pursue a man or chase one. If a man really wants to be with you than he will do whatever it takes to prove it. Whether it was an actor, rapper, or NBA player doesn’t matter. The key word is “famous”. That’s also the key concern. I thought talking to or dating a famous person wouldn’t be so bad. I completely underestimated what kind of havoc that may be. I wasn’t ready and I also wasn’t prepared to deal with what comes with all of that. It was a lot. When I first got the DM, I was convinced that this would be my guy. Then suddenly everything changed. I cant explain everything in detail but something switched. If I had to describe it the best way would be to say things got really “Hollyweird”. I was both annoyed and triggered. I had to reevaluate if this is something I can even deal with. I’m thinking to myself “Can you handle dating a famous person? This is not the same.” Suddenly, dating regular men wasn’t as bad as I thought. I didn’t realize what I was up against. It’s more than the person, it’s everything that comes with them. I wish I knew how to handle this better but I don’t. I just started back dating this year so dating men was already hard enough. Attempting to have a relationship with a celebrity guy is wild when you really think about it. I developed an interest in this guy but I don’t know. Only time will reveal if this can be the real deal. I think any man that I feel a connection with is worth seeing through but this is not a regular guy. Then later on November 21st, I got a call from one of my childhood friends about my friend Ashton passing away. I got the call when I was in LA. I wasn’t sure the details of how he passed. I found out his funeral was in December. I figured it was time to go back home to Atlanta. The last day of November and first day of December I spent preparing myself to say good bye to my friend. Thinking about his death was emotionally exhausting. I spoke to Ashton briefly before he passed. He asked me if I was okay and I told him “No.” I gave him my number and told him to hit me up and he never did. When I found out he died I was both angry and sad all at once. I didn’t know what to feel. I just couldn’t carry anger.

The death of Ashton made me appreciate life. I traveled back to LA to get my tools to return to work. After 6 long months, I finally decided to go back to being a barber. As I prepare to renew my license and take my barber license exam in 2024, I figured why not? When I arrived in Atlanta, everyone welcomed me with open arms. I am grateful and thankful to be back home. I went to LA this December just to do my first waist bead event of the year. I owed Los Angeles at least that before I left. I hadn’t done any waist beads events all year. If you ask why, I don’t have an answer. A part of me feels that journey has ended. I knew at the beginning of the year. I knew things would be different. I knew I had to make a new way. The old way wasn’t working anymore. When you are ready for new beginnings, you have to let go of old habits, patterns, ways and days. After Trap x Art event, I felt accomplished. However my flight back home hit me with a reality check. I’m still homeless and I’m still not where I want to be. I have two jobs again because I can never just have one and feel like its enough. I just decided to get back to work.

If I could recap 2023 I would say I transformed into a new version of myself by killing off old parts of me and preparing for a new life. My 30th birthday represents this NEW ME. I didn’t realize about the 3rd DNA change aspect of it until sis mentioned it. She explained every 10 years we have a DNA change so scientifically I am not the same person I was. She also assured that my vagina is completely different too just because of this change. The child I would have delivered 10 years ago if I gotten pregnant by one of my exes compared to the child I may have if I get pregnant now would probably be completely different. I’m team no kids but for how long? I already told myself I’m having sex in my 30s and I’m getting pregnant too. I don’t care if I give birth 20 times. I refuse to think giving birth or having children is anything other than a blessing I want. I don’t accept other people’s opinion of motherhood. I won’t allow negative thoughts about being a mother stop me from enjoying the process.

I have to thank God, my spiritual guides and my parents who I consider my guardian angels for such a magical yet transformative year. 2023 will forever go down in history. 2024 I am doing more in honor of the late great Kobe Bryant. I would love for me to have clarity going in to 2024 about who my future partner will be but I can’t force anything. I am open. I open myself to dating. I am opening myself to being sexually active. I opened myself to healing my trauma and to take on new opportunities. What I desire from a partner is something I already expressed. What I need to do now is trust God in that whatever is meant for me will be and whatever isn’t will leave. My main goal now is to focus on me.

P.S. My 30 flirty birthday party is in exactly 2 weeks from today. I am still willing to throw a party but its going to be last minute due to procrastination. More than likely it will be a private party because of the wait but I still want to celebrate. I want to use this opportunity to allow people to come together. 2023 taught me the value of people coming into your life on your journey. Never underestimate the power of unity.

Love Always,

Malon Mahotiere