Dickstraction = Dickstracted

HAPPY WAIST BEAD WEDNESDAY! Today I want to talk about the D word. It is so vulgar so I won’t say it. The term Dickstraction or Dickstracted is something I made up because I speak my own language. It derives from the word distraction which is defined as extreme agitation of the mind. Dickstraction to me is described as someone who is unable to focus due to the D or when someone is too focused on the D. Basically its another word of saying “dickmatized.”

Recently I saw something on social media that really made me feel some type of way. It made me reevaluate a lot of things that I’ve previously wrote about wanting to end my celibacy journey. I made it a point to mention that I no longer wanted to be celibate because I saw a man I was very attracted to. Once I have my eye on a guy, GAME ON. Sometimes we have to appreciate somethings for what it is. When you have been closed off sexually for a long time, it can become a lifestyle. That’s where I was. So many women would come to me telling me their problems with men at the root. In many ways I would think “Sis is dickstracted. Focus on something else!” We can talk about men every now and then but lets have other things going for ourselves. Celibacy allowed me to focus on myself for years. Y’all should try it out!

At age 21, I made a commitment to myself that I would remain celibate until I was in a committed relationship but I totally forgot that I have commitment issues. I read this book called, “He’s scared, She’s Scared” which talks about the subconscious reason why people sabotage relationships. Although I made this promise to myself, I forgot to read the fine print. When guys wanted a committed relationship with me, SHE’S A RUNNER SHE’S A TRACK STAR. When I wanted a commitment from a man, it was giving keep that same energy. I knew something was wrong. Why was I avoiding commitment? Even with being celibate, I’ve dated good guys and bad boys. Some were willing to wait but some weren't. Overall, I had to realize that I may be part of the problem in some ways. It was when I moved to LA. I was open to the idea of dating a celebrity. The reason why I was going after public figures is because I figured their lifestyle makes the most sense with mine. ALL of my exes that are very REGULAR used to complain too much. They complained about my work, how I dressed, why I went out so much and they wanted to control me. I didn’t like that. My ex traumatized me from relationships. He was so clingy and needy I felt like I could not breath! He also was uninspiring. He motivated me to find someone else. I need to be motivated by the man I’m with or else THANK YOU NEXT

Today I made the decision to go back to being celibate. Here’s why: I believe for a slight moment I became dickstracted like the rest of you ladies. See at first I would be confused. I always wondered why women were so obsessed with the D but now I know. You cant help sexual attraction if its natural. Speaking of natural, I spoke to my media buddy Anthony today. We haven’t spoke in a while but I called him today. He reached out earlier this month about attending a Yacht Party. I love me a good yacht party! I’m considering going but I gotta see if it makes sense. Anyways, we started talking about why women be hating so hard. He said “You really want to know from a man’s perspective? You don’t have to try. It may sound simple but I see a lot of girls trying way too hard.” Then we started talking about NBA con. I put him on when I heard of it. He said he hasn’t had good experiences doing media since that event. I AGREEED. However, I just started this summer 2023

I told Anthony that I’m going back to school for media communications so I can be a “professional”. Too many people treated me like a rookie but I’m a VET. Disabled homeless veteran to be precise. Thankfully the VA is providing me with this education and training due to my hip injury. The Air Force paid for beauty school when I got my PTSD diagnosis but my injury has gotten worse since. They figured since I wasn’t going back in the service for reporting SA, I would be able to finish beauty school and get my license for my “after military career”. WELL THAT’S OVER. My military contract officially ended in 2022. This means that I’m DONE DONE. Like Shawty LO. They know! I need some adjustments to my benefits. No one would have predicted for my hips to give out on me like this but when you think of the details of my life, why are we surprised? Anyways, I’m excited for this new transition. This will be my last month in LA and my last week at LA Film School. I told Anthony I’m only focusing on media and myself. He said “I knew you had it in you but I told you this media stuff gets tough!”

I appreciate his words and his insight. People are very weird about their position. When you ask someone a question about what they do, they get defensive if they know you are interested in it too. That to me is a sign of insecurity. Whenever someone asks me about hair or waist beads, I tell them whatever they want to know. Obviously the game should be sold not told but it doesn’t hurt to give someone a little bit of insight. That was all I needed. I met Anthony at my first media gig this summer. We were working for BET weekend in LA. It was horrible but I was assisting for my homegirl Iesha Lee.

Me and Anthony stayed in touch after that event. I was not convinced I wanted to do media after that experience. That’s when Anthony tried to reassure me not to give up just yet. “You got what it takes!” After our initial conversation I trusted his words because he had been doing it way longer than I have. That’s when I told him about NBA con. “I heard about it on the radio. We can try and do media there.” When I told him about it, he was all for it! He was way more prepared than I was! I already got a ticket to attend as a fan but I figured why do that? Anthony went there first and then called me once he got his pass. I remember being nervous about going but I went anyway. My job was blowing me up.

“NBA con changed you!” Words from Anthony. You damn right it changed me! I quit my job the NEXT DAY! I can never forget that feeling. It’s funny because I believe that is when I became dickstracted. However once I returned back to LA from NBA con, it was back to reality. People started being weird to me and I was NOT having it. I really was acting different. I never really correlated it.

NBA con changed me because I knew a new journey for me was about to start and I was excited. I just knew my personal, professional and private life was about to LEVEL UP. Maybe not immediately but indefinitely. I knew I had to just be patient and play my cards right. Overall, I knew I didn’t have to work as a barber anymore unless I decide to work with the NBA (National Barber Association). Yes, that is a real thing. I’ve been researching this for years. It’s not that I cant stand up at all, I just cant stand for long periods. A haircut typically takes anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour depending on the hair and the person. After about 10 minutes of standing, I need to sit down. Teaching was my other alternative but my manager was clearly a hater. That’s why I was willing to walk away after he harassed me about my hips. I refuse to explain to a man why I have a hip injury unless its my husband.

When I went to Miami, I got dickstracted again. The girls want what they want! I met a man who went through a divorce and I asked him questions about what went wrong. HE told me that she didn’t give him fellatio and that made him feel some type of way. I LAUGHED. It was funny to me because I would have never thought it was THAT serious. He got a divorce because they couldn’t see eye to eye. He also encouraged therapy and she refused. The last straw was no head so he said “imma head out.”

I’m just here to say, my mind is back focused. I said I wanted Birthday Sex but that’s a dickstraction. IF it still happens than great but if it doesn’t I can wait. What I really want for my birthday is to publish my books. If I can’t publish them all at least have 1 published. That would be a gift to myself. I asked myself, why do you want sex now? When I think about it, I don’t have a clear answer. That’s how I know I was dickstracted. Then I asked myself, “What do you have to lose by waiting? Do you really need to have sex? Are you even ready for that?” To answer my own questions: I don’t see why I cant continue waiting for “the one”. I should wait until I feel good and ready that, this is my husband! I should wait until I know for sure that the relationship is developing into something serious. I should wait until it makes sense to give it up. I don’t really NEED to have sex. I just started school again. I NEED to be focused on that.

The last question is “Are you even ready for that?” Honestly I thought I was until I thought some more and I concluded that I may never be ready. Waiting to be ready may delay the anticipation of it happening spontaneously. How can one ever be ready for sex after trauma? This is a SERIOUS thing. No one seems to think about how sexual abuse effects your sexual relationships with people. However I am very aware of the change that happened. I HATED men for YEARS. I’m at a point where I don’t hate men anymore. In fact, I can now say proudly that not all men are bad! I used to be the “niccas aint sh!t” mascot lady. I retired from that. After years of dating while celibate, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t able to attract A CATCH. I had a good pool of men to lust after but I really wasn’t that interested.

Speaking of lust, that is another reason why I believe waiting is ideal. I don’t want to lust over any man because I don’t want a man to lust after me. When we think about SA with men vs with women, I believe no one takes men seriously when they say they’ve been violated sexually. Men who have experienced R—e or SA, do NOT get the attention, support and help that they need so they almost always NEVER talk about it. It’s actually kind of sad. I’ve had guys confide into me about what happened to them whether it was by a man or a woman. It’s so unfortunate to know that they have no way to heal without feeling shame or people questioning their sexuality. IF a man violates you that doesn’t make you gay but that is the stigma. If a woman violates you than it’s “okay” because all men are supposed to want sex. THAT IS SICK. Some of these chickens really disgust ME. If I were a boy, and a woman came onto me that I am not even sexually attracted to I WOULD FEEL SO VIOLATED.

This is something that I hear about but I didn’t believe women actually did that. Women can be predators ALSO, you gotta WATCH OUT! I was just talking to Michelle about it. I was willing to get a place with her and her son. “I just need to find a babysitter.” I told her straight up “Okay girl but just be careful because your son is attractive. He getting older and that’s how a lot of young boys get exposed to sex. I always hear the stories about the babysitter.” Michelle says, “Oh HELL NO! Nevermind. You just changed my mind with that one.” I wasn’t trying to be negative but I have to be honest. Women who prey on men should be condemn just as much as men preying on women. The reason why they don’t is because of the double standard. People think all men want is sex. Well, if that was the case, why are some women whores? If men only wanted sex, than explain female predators? When you think about it like that, its never about the sex. It is always about CONTROL. Think about it. Really think about it! When I was sexually assaulted, it was because I couldn’t say NO. The thought of me saying no was enough to offend his ego. It was all about being in CONTROL. If someone says NO to a person who is a control freak, they may not know how to handle it. After all the child abuse I was exposed to, I have empathy for people who deal with predators whether you’re a man or a woman. I am very sensitive to that and I will not accept that behavior from a man or a woman. I stopped being a hairstylists assistant because I saw her sexually harass the only male talents on the set.

I have never asked him about the incident because I know men typically shrug stuff like that off but I was uncomfortable for him and myself. I did not want to work with someone like that. She used her power to be a WEIRDO. That woman was very nasty, negative and mean spirited. Therefore if I was a man and she came on to me, I would feel violated! I say all that to say, if you really care about someone than you shouldn’t have a problem with waiting. Lusting after a woman is no different than lusting after a man. So if we’re going to be talking about LUST, lets just leave that in the DUST and focus on what is important. Right now what is important to me is my education and living my best blessed life.

When I do decide to have sex, it will be with my husband. I won’t go as far as saying I’m waiting until I’m married because I don’t know when that will happen. I just know I cant have sex with just anyone. He has to be THE ONE.

I’m no longer dickstracted but I am open to seeing what happens. I just don’t want to LUST after anyone. Being sexually objectified as a woman bothers me but I don’t know how men feel when the shoe is on the other foot. Maybe they like it or maybe they don't or maybe they’re all brainwashed into being neutral when it comes to being objectified sexually

I believe we should have the same respect and treat all people as humans.

If you are the type of woman that easily gets dickstracted when you are sexually attracted to a man, I want to offer you help by saying “Focus on yourself sis.” The D not going anywhere. If he gives it to you GREAT, if he doesn’t than WAIT

Love Always,

Malon Mahotiere