Light vs Dark (energy)
Greetings! WE are bringing this Light vs Dark topic back! When I say WE, I mean me myself and all my personalities and alter egos. Disclaimer: we are not talking about light vs dark in terms of skin tone
We do not acknowlege COLORIST unless they are a licensed beauty PROFESSIONAL.
My last blog magically got deleted when I spoke about this but I think it is because I needed some thing better to reference. I am so tired of mentioning buddy that Bill Cosby’d me. I AM OVER THAT. I know that situation was meant to distract, disarm and displace me into being less powerful. However the exact OPPOSITE happened. I referenced buddy in my last blog to make an example of dark masculine energy but I don’t think that is fair. It is not fair to compare a man like that to other men. Therefore we are starting with a new reference where we will generalize men and get specific once we get deeper into this logic. Dark energy is subconscious and Light energy is Conscious. Dark energy is what you cannot physically see but you can feel its presence and Light energy is visible. We are not saying one is better than the other. However, both are beneficial
An example of this would be night vs day. We all know the freaks come out at night, and some people really cant handle too much sunlight. Our goal isn’t to combat the other. Our goal is balance, integration or recognizing when to channel which energy. Lets talk about masculine vs feminine. We have BOTH, light masculine energy and dark masculine energy. As well as light feminine energy and dark feminine energy. Women and men carry both energies but some may choose to operate more than one. I learned about which part of your brain carries what. The left is typically masculine: assertive, logical, analytical, aggressive, thriving. Left side is always pushing us to survive. This side of our brain is what men usually operate from.
When I was in Miami, I met a man named Emmet. We had a great time having deep conversations. For some odd reason, I love trauma dumping on strangers. It makes me feel LIGHTER. Something about expressing my trauma to someone I may never see again feels good. I hate talking about my trauma to men that I actually like. I see that as a turn off. So if a stranger approaches me, they better be ready for the baggage I’m about to throw at them and they always catch it with open arms. Anyway, he told me that I am only operating from one side of my brain. He said I need to tap into my right side.
Women can use both sides of their brain but not a lot of them know how to master their left side by itself. The right side of the brain is creative, delicate, intuitive, nurturing, receptive, tender, and synthesizing. When I think about myself personally, I evaluate why am I so different from most women. I’ve been thinking about this more often because I’ve been dealing with a lot of negative energy from women. More than the average or typical, women have been hating on me this year more than ever. For business purposes, I figured I need to get to the bottom of this until I realized that some women will never like me. It is because of the person that I am. We are not focused on shutting any parts of who we are out
Last night, we had a power outing in my office. Today we are going to have another power outing at 6pm until midnight. For 6 hours we will be without power and they are going to activate the fire alarm sprinkler system. After experiencing an apartment fire, I’m happy to know my office building has taken these things into precautions. I’m not completely homeless. I still have an address on file. My office space is how I’m able to isolate myself and remain productive. If I decide to be unproductive, I use that time to rest and process my thoughts. It takes me a long time to respond or react to things that bother me. I’ve learned to master my emotions when dealing with other trauma. That is why dark energy is important. You have to get comfortable in your own darkness. Last night, I sat in my car in the parking garage in complete darkness. The only light was inside my own vehicle. That’s when I pulled out my laptop and started editing my memoir. THE BOOK IS COMING!
I’m at the part where I moved from Connecticut back to Georgia and how I hated my life as a child. When I moved to Georgia, I tried to make friends with 2 little black girls and they were so rude. We won’t go into detail but that part of the story made me realize why I feel the way I do now. When I thought about why black women don’t like me as an adult, it makes me feel sad like I did when I was 6. I’m about to be 30. Respectfully, F them HOES. Word to Future. I am giving him the throne. He’s the real King of Atlanta. Why? Because Future isn’t colorist that’s why! He loves women of all shades, unlike some other rappers from Atlanta. I’ve been a fan of Future since FREE BAND GANG and WALA MAGIC. My brother saw him perform at Club Obsessions when I was a senior in High School then BOOM. Future MADE IT
Future was a big influence in my life during my last year in High School, after Graduation and even my college years. His music was a movement. My EX homegirl almost dated him but he swerved her. Honestly he dodged a bullet with shorty. She was one of those “wannabes” referring herself as Milan. The girls hate when a man can spot a fake. Future probably thought deep down: You’re not the real MALON.
The reason why I am referencing Future is because he is a great example of both light and dark masculine energy. I cant say he's toxic because I don’t know him personally. What I can say is that he has exhibited both dark and light masculine energy in his music. We are going to use that as reference. Now lets talk about my girl CICI aka Ciara. She is the Queen of Atlanta to me. Don’t be fooled by the jokers claiming to be Queens. There is only one other Queen of Atlanta if it isn’t me than it’s CIARA. Ciara been out since I was in Elementary school. This girl has ALWAYS been a force. People have said that she’s not the nicest person in the world IN PERSON but I’m sure some people would say the same about me. When you’re a QUEEN, you don’t have to be nice. You have to be aware. A lot of women cannot be Queens because they don’t have knowledge of self. It literally starts there. Okay so let’s compare
Ciara would be an example of balanced energy. She has both light and dark feminine energy. However, Future has the same in masculine energy. This is why I believe their relationship did not work out. They are too similar. That’s not an easy love dynamic when you have two of the same people. Opposites attract and stick. When Future and Ciara got together, I remember I was so here for that relationship. It was cool until it wasn’t. Than I heard news on the radio that they broke up after baby Future was born. WHAAAT? I was devastated. What happened? Apparently, Future cheated on Ciara. This is according to HOT 107.9
Now I know everyone thinks Future is toxic but lets think about this for a second: Why would Future cheat on Ciara if he loved her as much as he did and probably STILL loves her more than the other girls. For some reason when I heard they broke up because Future cheated, I just didn’t want to believe it. I don’t see WHY he would cheat on her.
Something is telling me that Ciara and Future broke up for other reasons that the public may never know because it’s their private business. I’m not denying that he cheated. I’m sure he did something that hurt Ciara. I just cant confirm or deny cheating. Future to me does not seem emotionally invested in other women the way he is with Ciara. In “Favorite Song” by Toosii, Future featured on the remix. He raps “These bitches too small to compete with you. I will leave her right now if she mentions you. Only f-ing on her just to get to you, only f-ing on her cuz I’m missing you. Feel like true love is a virtue. Can’t deny that I bring out the best in you. You know I’m pressed about you. Nobody can be this possesive. No body can make me this jealous.” Now he could be talking about ANY girl but what girl can really make Future PRESSED? There is only one woman with that level of power and goodies. If we look at all the songs he made after their relationship ended, Future was hurt. He went from making love songs to making all of these dark twisted fuck boy songs.
What about Future before Ciara? Remember Astronaut Chick? Neva End? And my favorite TURN ON THE LIGHTS! Those songs are great example of LIGHT masculine energy. That is when a man is inspired, motivated or feeling encouraged because of a woman in his life. HE operates in this energy from women’s influence. Women are naturally light. Men are naturally dark. Now lets think about Ciara before Future. CIARA IS THAT GIRL. CICI can do no wrong in my eyes! She taught me how to 1-2 step. She also taught me about the importance of Celibacy with MY GOODIES. I said WOW. I want to keep my goodies in a jar! Ciara always been THAT GIRL! She would change her hair from light to dark. BOTH were giving! Ciara was a FORCE. She has balanced energy when it comes to her femininity.
Honestly, I wish them both nothing but the best in life. I am sure Ciara is happy with her new love. Congratulations CICI on ANOTHER pregnancy. Lets keep it going! Don’t stop till you get enough. Future got enough women on his team to help him recover from that heartbreak. I’m sure he’ll get over Ciara 1 day in the FUTURE. I refuse to choose between Ciara and Future in terms of influence or impact. I think they are both LEGENDS that came out of Atlanta. Neither one of their impact on the culture can be diminished by a love relationship gone wrong. That’s why they are the perfect reference.
Now lets talk about myself. I am working on becoming more balanced and integrated. I am getting comfortable with both sides of who I am. Michelle, Queen of Press ATL, is a shadow goddess. When we talk about shadows we are referring to darkness. That is what DARK energy is. That part that you can’t see but you know it is there. Everyone has a shadow side. It is the subconscious of our minds. We call it a shadow when discussing energy. It is the part of you that you cannot visibly see. My shadow side is Slim Shady. Before you couldn’t see it but he was always there until I changed my hair. I knew he existed but I didn’t have a way to address this side of myself. Beauty School allowed me to see things for what they were. I saw a lot of ugly truths while going to Beauty School but that is the beauty of life. Once I faced the ugly truth of my life, I knew I had to create an identity for my subconscious mind. I didn’t even want Malon to address her issues anymore. Slim Shady was the perfect name because it was inspired to me by the Shadow Goddess herself, Michelle, Queen of Press.
“Malon is shady!” She is right but that is not me. When I am being shady or rude, that really isn’t me. That is my shadow side. The person that I was meant to be is a LIGHT. I was born to be the light in other people’s darkness. Rose made me feel a way because I was thrown off by her energy. I wasn’t expecting her to act like that towards me at the end of our Las Vegas trip but she is not a LIGHT. Her energy is very dark.
Dark energy is masculine. Women lose their light when operating in dark masculine energy. If a woman attaches herself to a man, she may start operating from the very energy she is attracted to. This is why women compete with men. I learned when I was younger trying to fight my brothers that I could never compete with a man. I would try my hardest to fight them. One push and I’m on the ground. I would think to myself “Damn, I cant fight a man.” Instead I wanted to fight girls if I felt tried
If you are wondering why I liked fighting in the first place it is because I never tapped into my right side of the brain unless I was completely alone. I was always surrounded by dark masculine energy. The only option was to be a light but I also couldn’t be feminine. I wasn’t taught how to be girlie. Eventually, I figured out on my own and still learning. I am definitely more left sided with my brain. When I think of light vs dark energy, I believe I operate from a LIGHT masculine energy and I believe my DARK energy is a lot more feminine but it scares me. There is a lot of shame, pain and guilt
That is why Sprinkle Sprinkle SheraSeven is a genius. She explains everything so well on her spiritual channel: Ashera Goddess. Whatever hidden fears live in your subconscious will come out in ways you least expect. This is why people sabotage relationships and opportunities. Something buried in their shadow isn’t comfortable. Maybe it is from childhood or other feelings of not being adequate. Shame is typically the major root of surpressed energy. That is why most men are dark and women are light. Men carry a lot more shame than women
Okay lets go back to the shadow. “Me and you in the shadows is crazy!” Words from Michelle. When I told Michelle I wanted to turn my light off she was concerned. “Okay, I’m going to be honest! The reason why I don’t want you to turn off your light is because I’m being a selfish friend. I need your light. I’m tired of being in the shadows. I’m not ready just yet but when I pop out I need you with me in the light.”
As a friend, I can respect her honesty enough to not turn off my light. I’m more like Umbrella RIRI. There’s a storm right now. I told Michelle I need to get comfortable in the dark before I come back in the light because people use my trauma against me. Even the people I love or at least thought I loved. It is the easiest form of darkness to access when it comes time to attack me. The funny part is, it doesn’t work. My parents been dead almost 30 years and my family been horrible ever since. This is not a secret nor does it make me feel a way. I’ve already accepted my parents death and I already accepted the fact that if I want a loving family than it will have to come from me. Mine made a choice.
I will be vulnerable and admit that my subconscious fears isn’t about my parents being dead. It is what I experienced as a result of their death that makes me insecure and uncomfortable. No one will truly ever know that dark side unless they take the time to read this memoir. I put it all out there for healing. My light has helped a lot of people in their darkness but when I’m in my own darkness, I see no light. I haven’t gotten comfortable with the dark parts of myself. That is why I feel unbalanced. Being a light is fine but isn’t always necessary. Some people really and truly don’t deserve my light. No matter how bright my light can be, it can go out if there is too much darkness surrounding it. This is when I feel drained. When someone drains my energy, I immediately know why. TOO MUCH DARKNESS.
After dealing with darkness, I have to either recharge my light or shut it off for awhile. No one could ever shut off my light but me. They can only dim or drain it
After leaving Rose, I felt drained but her darkness wasn’t as potent to shut my light off. Recently, I felt my energy getting drained AGAIN. This time, it was from social media. After seeing certain things on the GRAM, I started to feel some type of way. I went deeper to figure out WHY?
Why do I feel a way
Whenever I feel a way, I just go to sleep. If I wake up and I don’t care than whatever. That’s what happened to Rose. After 1 night of sleep, I was over her and her antics. This instagram stunt, I wasn’t over when I woke up. I woke up and I STILL felt some type of way. The only other alternative was to defend myself: say how you feel. It’s very hard to express how you feel when you don’t really understand what you are feeling. The enemy loves creating confusion. When you are figuring out your own feelings and emotions about a particular person, it is no one else’s place to try and tell you how you feel or what you are feeling. That is another form of control. It reminds me of when I was a child, I would express how I would feel about having dead parents. People would minimize my emotions. They would try and tell me HOW I should feel. “Everyone has problems” is what my legal guardian would say to me. Meanwhile, this man cried like a baby when his parents finally died. So again, how can you tell me how I should feel? The reason why people do that is because of control. They want to control your mind well in my case they wanted to control my money. I never got treated fair as an HEIR.
After I expressed how I felt through song, I felt better. Than the next day I felt guilty. I questioned my guilt and shame. WHY? Why must you feel guilty when you give people the same energy they give you? Why should you feel bad when you have to operate in the same darkness that people try to consume you with? It is because naturally I am a light. I don’t like to be dark or operate from the dark part of my reality. IT IS SCARY. Michelle said “You cant turn off your light because your darkness will scare people.” SHE WAS RIGHT! My darkness even scares me at times because I take it too far.
When people go LOW, I’m going to HELL and BACK to tell the tale. I refuse to allow people to use their power against me or my light. Dark energy is powerful. I know how powerful it is because I’ve been effected by it. I have been inspired in some ways. Watching people operate in darkness to reach a certain level of success made me realize why my light needs to be in a bulb or why I should switch it
Right now, I am focusing on balance and integration. I am still getting comfortable in my darkness. I’m giving myself the rest of October. Tonight will be another test when they have the power outing. When I start operating in my LIGHT again, it will be just in time to celebrate Veterans Day. I want to be a LIGHT for my fellow VETS.
During what I consider the lowest moments in my life that I’ve ever experienced as an adult, I need to find comfort in my darkness. I know I will be back in the LIGHT. Embracing my dark side will allow no weapon formed against me to prosper when I do get back in the LIGHT
One last thing I want to point out. When I attract certain people, I believe its because of my light. My light shines best in the shadows. That’s why I cant turn it off. There are many people still stuck in the shadow when they really need to be in the LIGHT. Depending on WHO that person is, if I can help them get to the light, I will do that. I cant help everyone and I realize the value of my light. Not everyone deserves to use my light out of their own darkness. Only a select few people I will allow to use my light to get them out of the shadows. I can pick and choose who to give my light for their use.
However as much as I am a light, TOO much light aggravates MY shadow. That’s why I talk so much SH!T about getting too much attention or how I never want to be famous. “You’re going to be famous and they are going to write all kinds of blogs and articles about you. Accept it now before it comes.”Words from Michelle, Queen Of Press. Michelle saw the power of my light in Beauty School. Way before I ever could imagine. Now we both see what is happening. My light is getting bigger and my shadow side is getting uncomfortable. The more attention I get, the more I want to hide. But why? WHY HIDE? It’s because I’m not comfortable with my shadow. What I am THE MOST insecure about, no one could ever see. They’ll have to read if they want to find out. I’m not ashamed of that. That’s why I get triggered by things that people wouldn’t even think and that’s why certain insults like “your parents are dead” don’t make me feel a thing. Instead I laugh
Before I can reach that next level, I have to get comfortable with my darkness. I explained to Michelle “I don’t have a problem with being in the light but I know what comes with it. What makes me uncomfortable is someone trying to put light on the dark parts of life. That’s why I’m taking my time with putting out this book. Before anyone uses my trauma against me, I gotta get comfortable with it.”
Ladies and gentlemen, that is the power of balance. We don’t want to exclude any parts of ourselves. We simply want to balance or integrate our energy. Dark feminine energy is what I need to focus on. Light feminine energy is what I need to integrate. My light and my shadow needs to be balanced out.
Below I’ve included some of my favorite Future and Ciara songs.
Turn on the Lights- Future
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m8hAZMJHpU
Neva End- Future
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foX39ecfvm0
Hotline- Ciara
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUtQg8GAypo
Thug Style- Ciara
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGz3qVtoOjQ
Here are some songs by other artists that I thought would go great with this concept
Black and Yellow- Wiz Khalifa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UePtoxDhJSw
Superstar- Lupe Fiasco
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVkBlsgthLg
Peace, Blessings and LIGHT to you all.
Love Always,
Malon Mahotiere (Slim Shady)