Thankful Thursday: The Greatest Threat

Hey y’all! Guess who’s back! I’m up early with it and I’m still in Las Vegas. How did we end up here?

If we are being honest I felt threatened in Los Angeles so I left. An EGO as big as mine can't afford to be diminished again. I met a girl last year who said “Las Vegas is where celebrities go after Hollywood chews them up and spits them out!” Maybe that’s why I gravitated towards this place. When you look at the word threat, I noticed it has the same letters as the word GREAT. So lets talk about it. If you are a GREAT person, you are automatically a THREAT to those who are not so great. If you make people feel a way about your greatness than THEY become a threat.

According to google, here is the definition of threat: a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action on someone in retribution for something done or not done. Wikipedia: A threat is a communication of intent to inflict harm or loss on another person. Intimidation is a tactic used between conflicting parties to make the other timid or psychologically insecure for coercion or control. The act of intimidation for coercion is considered as a threat. Another word for threat is: danger, menace, risk, peril, hazard, imminence, trouble, pitfall. Now lets look at the word Imminence.

That word is very similar to the name of my Grandfather Imene. I was told by my sister cousin Victoria that he was planning to create a way for people in Haiti until the government killed him “allegedly”. Apparently he was trying to help Haiti’s economy but someone stopped his plan. Now look at Haiti? Why would they stop plans to build Haiti’s economy? Perhaps REVENGE or nah?

When it comes to my grandparents, I don’t know much about them. Although I do know that my grandmother didn’t pass away until AFTER my father and Aunt made it in America. She stayed behind with Victoria’s mother. My grandmother remarried after my grandfather died which is why my Aunt and father were so close. They have the same mother and father. Their other siblings have different dads. I am mentioning all of this because when I left LA, I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. Every time I explained it out loud, I thought I sounded like one of those crazy people “They’re out to get me!” That’s really how I felt until I had to sit down with myself and ask WHY? I always challenge my feelings. WHY do you feel that way? WHY do you feel that people are out to get you?

Once I really thought about it, I realized two things are possible to be the facts of reality: it could be all in my head or I could just be a THREAT to other people’s insecurities because of my greatness. Listen, we don’t know why people feel easily threatened but lets look at some of the greatest people.

Tupac was great, Michael Jackson was great, Whitney Houston was great, and Kobe Bryant was great.

What do all these people have in common? They’re all dead just like my parents. My parents love was a threat to people and I still don’t know why. Tupac is still a threat to rappers. Michael Jackson still gets accused. Whitney Houston didn’t deserve that and that Kobe situation just went too far for me.

Since all those great people including my parents are dead, they aren’t here to defend themselves but lets be honest… these people didn’t die because of natural causes including my parents. When my mother died, it wasn’t until LATER. She was fighting for her life until we made it to the hospital. My stepmother used to tell me that people would tell her, “She stole your husband! She deserves to die.” Why she felt the need to tell me this? I don’t know but I always wondered “Did someone REALLY say that to you or did you just say that to yourself?” MY mother was a threat to the ex wife because she actually LOVED my father whereas the first wife was just looking for a ticket out of Haiti. Everyone wanted her because she was the daughter of some military person in Haiti. I don’t want to spoil my story so I won’t go into detail

When I finally publish my book, then I will go more in to detail. Which speaking of book, that is the real reason why I came to Los Angeles and also the reason why I left expeditiously. I wanted to be a writer. Once I shared my material with other people, I could tell by their reactions how they felt. THREATENED.

I wrote “Birds in the Sky” after having a really F’d up conversation with my sister. My stepmother passed last year and she called me to tell me. In the same breath, she blamed me and my brothers for my parents death. “They should still be alive instead of you guys! Look how y’all are living. Y’all are all so fucked up!” I had to stop her right there. Just because your adopted mother died doesn’t mean you can come for my life. I didn’t even understand HER emotions because I didn’t correlate MY birth mothers death to my stepmothers death. These are two different women. I didn’t even cry when my stepmother died. A part of me couldn’t be sad because I was finally learning the truth. She spoke so poorly about my mother.

Victoria told me I should write a children's book a long time ago. “It will help other kids like you.” Even though my book is already written, I’ve been stalling with the publishing and editing process. When I told my sister I was planning to write a book she accused me of wanting attention. The truth is she just felt threatened by the world knowing my story and the truth being revealed. Everyone partook in the (excuse my French) fuckery that went down after my parents died. I’m not saying both my sisters are guilty but neither one of them are innocent. They sat back and watched me get abused.

Actually they really encouraged it! My legal guardian fled the country. He’s in Africa now. When I landed in Las Vegas, I just randomly started crying. I always cry but this came out of nowhere. I was so happy to be out of LA but then I thought about where I was going next. I thought maybe I should go back to Atlanta and tell everyone the truth about my guardian. I was crying because I know he’s in Africa but I don’t know what he’s doing. I am just hoping he isn’t using me, my name or my father to get access to other children. That man used me and my brothers until he reduced us down to nothing.

When my sister talks about how “fcked up” we are, she fails to realize why we are this way. It’s because y’all were SOOOOO threatened by Sauveur’s children so you FCKED US UP AS KIDS! Here’s the beautiful part of becoming an adult, we keep that same energy over here. As much abuse and torcher I experienced from my evil step sisters and my legal guardian, I still turned out GREAT!

That’s why they are threatened, they didn’t understand. HOW? How is Malon still able to manage? They tried to destroy me in Atlanta. When my apartment burned down, that was a huge RED FLAG. This reminded me of when my father first arrived in the south and the racist people burned a cross on his lawn. Why? Because they were threatened by an educated black man moving in to the South. Especially during those times, educated black people are always a threat to the ignorant regardless of color. This was right after Martin Luther King Junior was assassinated. Another GREAT dead man.

Peace and protection is ideal for me. When I wrote “Birds in the sky”, I was so hurt by my sisters words. She isn’t the first one who has said things like that to me. Other people in my family always talk about me and my brothers surviving and my parents dying as if we should have died that day too. TODAY I JUST WANT TO THANK GOD FOR MY LIFE REGARDLESS OF WHO’S THREATNED BY IT! I AM THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE. I AM THANKFUL FOR MY LIFE!

I felt the need to address this because I don’t know what the future holds for me. I just know that I am not intentionally trying to be a threat to anyone but I would be a fool to not notice a pattern. People are threatened by greatness in all forms. Great people don’t need to be a threat for others to feel threatened

I decided to publish my children’s book FIRST before releasing my orphan story. I wanted to get people to go back in time and remember 3 kids that lost their parents. Forget how me and my brothers turned out AFTER the fact. Lets focus on the fact that 3 African American kids lost both parents. THAT IS THE FOCUS. I wrote “Birds in the Sky” so people could understand the mind of a child experiencing grief. I never had any outlet. They didn’t have books I can read when I was sad about my parents being gone. All I had was TV and radio which I wasn’t allowed to even watch all the time. There’s so much that was hidden from me because of the information. My legal guardian was pretty much my slave master. I’ll talk about that another time. I refuse to give him any more power over me.

Why did it take me almost 25 years to realize that my legal guardian ruined me and my brothers life because he was threatened by my father A DEAD MAN! My father has been dead my whole life. Every time I think about his life after death, I get so angry. How could someone be so foul to kids?

Well, when you are the child of greatness than you are born a THREAT. I was born a GREAT THREAT. Instead of being intimated by that, I need to be aware. Awareness is self protection from sabotage.

Being aware of your feelings, your ego, your thoughts and your actions will help you get to safety. We all want a safe space. I want one to hide. I only wanted to share my story to inspire others not be exploited for money. Being in the streets made me come across a lot of homeless people with talents.

Interacting with other people that are going through homelessness made me feel like I am not alone. HOWEVER, I wouldn’t be upset if I NEVER saw some of those people again. I kept thinking to myself “I should not be here. I am better than this. I don’t deserve to be in this situation with them.” Ego loves to think I’m so above others but reality says “Are you really?” I met this guy, a cartoonist. Where I was sleeping was like a group living type of place. I was on my bed putting beads on my clothes. This was a new thing I wanted to start doing. He saw what I was doing and asked me if I could fix his necklace for him. I did and that’s how we started talking. He showed me his artwork. “Maybe you can illustrate my children’s book!” I had buried my first story of “Birds in the Sky.”

Something told me I should put it out this summer. I also thought “This will get me off the streets!” For some reason I just KNEW “Birds in the Sky” was IT. I knew people would love the book. I found where I wrote it and changed it into a new version. The first story I wrote was for myself. I wrote it for the little girl in me after my sister’s verbal abuse. The second one I changed it up. This was in May.

Fathers Day was coming up. I don’t know about y’all but I hated Fathers Day and Mothers Day. I’m just being honest however recently I had a change of heart. Once I found out my brother was having a baby I felt like I was having a baby! Mothers Day this year hit different. People kept wishing me Happy Mothers Day and I received it. I guess I am my mother and now the people can really see it.

I wanted “Birds in the Sky” to come out on Fathers Day. I made a “Fathers Edition” of my book. I sent it to some friends and family members. They all loved it. “This is really good!” Michelle said this. WE talk about things we want to do to help people like us but you can’t pour from an empty cup. “Birds in the Sky” was my golden ticket! When the cartoonist finally read it, he agreed it was GREAT.

“MAN this is good! We can reach out to schools with this. You gotta a master piece with this one.” Writing has always been my outlet. I’ve been journaling since I was 9. This summer people attached “Journalist” to my list of things I do. I never even THOUGHT to give myself that title but I am that. “When we meet anyone or if I introduce you to anyone, you are a journalist okay?” That’s what dusty buddy said but he aint introduce me to NOBODY SPECIAL. However I took his words personally.

I guess I am a journalist. That’s why I’m going back to school so I can develop myself as a writer. So far I have completed writing 3 Children’s book, 1 memoir and many songs and poems. I just take whatever I feel in my heart and put it on paper. Writing feels good. Typing feels like a profession.

Whenever I have to type what I write, that’s when I know its getting REAL. Typing out “Birds in the Sky” made me see how GREAT of a writer I am. “I haven’t read anything THIS GOOD since Dr. Suess”. I believe my book is as GREAT as the children’s book Dr. Suess series. It has the potential to bring joy and hope to a grieving child. Something I believe me and my brothers needed for hope. What hurt me the most was when it came down to the business side of monetizing my story and selling my art regardless of whatever pain it is attached to. People loved “Birds in the Sky” because they KNEW it would sell EASY. “People are gonna love this! A story for orphans? This is good!”

I guess my story was written so well that people immediately saw dollar signs. Suddenly this plan to talk to all these people kept coming up with my cartoonist. He really started doing THE MOST. I kept wondering “Okay when is he going to show me the artwork?” I understand the business side of things.

I understand how powerful traumatic stories can be. Why do you think I wanted to go to Hollywood? How do you think I feel seeing people make my life into a fictional motion picture for entertainment? I’ve seen too many movies and TV shows about the parents dying in a car accident or some main character not having a mother or a father. I remember thinking, “Who’s getting paid for this story?” Chances are the inspiration behind it is still struggling with it. Meanwhile Hollywood is cashing out.

At the expense of someone else’s pain, monetizing off of a traumatic experience that YOU personally didn’t experience is kind of SICK if you ask me. I didn’t want to work with my cartoonist anymore. It was getting WEIRD. This man is much older than me. I’m talking gray hair old and here he was trying to plan how to profit off of a story I created about me and my brothers life. Meanwhile, both his parents are STILL alive and they’re pastors. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? The real question is “How do you have pastor parents but you out here in the streets like me and I’m an orphan?” That’s suspicious.

Buddy is blocked but he still wants to be compensated for the work he did on my children’s book. I agreed to pay him however I told him I didn’t want to work with him because he kept missing deadlines. When Fathers Day passed and the story wasn’t ready I said OKAY. Lets put it out on my parents anniversary of their death which is the end of the summer. “We can promote it before the children go back to school. That way they have something to keep them inspired for the school year.”

With or without intention, we missed that deadline also. I told him I wanted to find another cartoonist. That’s when things went from weird to weird AF. Not only did this man insult me calling me everything but a child of greatness, he threatened to sell my story so he can make money! Then he threatened to sue me. He threatened me so much with my own material that I was drained by it all. Suddenly “Birds in the sky” can WAIT! The last thing I wanted was to be exploited again but I don’t have any energy towards people who threaten me. I told him GO AHEAD. If you sell my story and people know it didn’t come from your own personal life than that just makes YOU look crazy. But hey, anything to get off the streets right? That whole situation made me so sick. I felt completely broken. I even blamed myself for mentioning “Birds in the Sky”. “I gotta stop talking to strangers.”

I decided on the anniversary of my parents death to write a NEW book. This one was for my brother. I wrote about his life and his perspective after the accident. My brother is the one who remembers my parents and our life before their death. People are threatened so much by Sauveur’s first son and my brother wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s too sensitive as a person to be a threat yet people are still threatened by his spirit so they feel the need to attack him. I’ve heard too many stories of my brother getting attacked without proper explanation. I assume it is because he’s an orphan and orphans are more prone to attack because of the LACK of protection from physical presence of parents. We may be orphans who get targeted in the physical world but that SPIRITUAL PROTECTION is out of this world. That is why their attacks and threats NEVER work. That spiritual world is READY FOR WHATEVER. I always say Malon is too nice but her ancestors are NOTHING OF THE SORT.

In the end, I decided today to just pay the street person for the work he has done on my book and donate it. For me it was never about the money. There are SO many ways to make money. I don’t care about that

When you’re an orphan, you get exposed to a lot of things! Money definitely is the root of a lot of evil. However I love money way too much to ever think its evil. IT can be used for evil but it can ALSO be used for good. “Birds in the Sky” is one of those things that money can’t buy. The kids need this story

Regardless of the threat buddy made about selling my story for his own gain, I’m going to compensate him anyway for his work on it. I already have 2 other versions of the book. I figured money is the problem for him and that’s all it ever was. He just saw dollar signs from my story and wanted a CUT.

Well those aren’t people that I want to gain from my pain. The only people who need to gain from my pain are the ones who experienced the same or similar or those who have been affected by it. For example, Victoria’s parents are still alive. However the death of my parents affected HER life as well.

We are all just trying to live better, do better and do the right thing. I don’t want to be a threat and I don’t want to always be defensive or looking over my shoulder. I want to be like J.K Rowling. Where is she? No one knows. I’m not sure if she really did take someone else’s material to write “Harry Potter” but what I do know is she was homeless before that book came out. Hollywood served its purpose for me so one day I will have to go back and dance with the devil at my own risk. Pray for me

With love, I am hoping that my greatness does not cause anyone to feel threatened because that is not my intention. I can’t help how others may feel but I know I don’t want to feel like a target anymore. Maybe this feeling will subside or maybe it will never go away as long as I keep being GREAT. All I know is that I don’t want to be bothered. I just want to be a writer, inspire and live my blessed life!

Thanks for letting me share

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https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-malon-rebuild-after-the-fire

Malon Mahotiere (Slim Shady)