Choose light
Greetings! Today’s blog is inspired by so many things. I’m using the shadow goddess aka Queen of Press ATL, aka Michelle’s slogan for 2024: Choose light sometimes. Let’s get into it. Me, personally, I am still getting comfortable with my shadow. Your shadow is your subconscious mind. Some may refer to it as their dark side, darkness or dark energy. If there is anything I learned from this year, it is how powerful my light is. My light is so powerful that it even scares me sometimes. I didn’t realize I was dimming my own light because of my own subconscious fears. I believe that is why people had such easy access to my light. I would willingly share my light or spread it because deep down, I never got comfortable with it. I think about 4 year old me before starting Kindergarten. I sang “This little light of mine” for the parents and the orphan girl showed out. Before life removed all my innocence, I knew at a young age that I was a BRIGHT LIGHT. When you are a child, it’s okay to out shine others. Once you grow up, that’s when things get real. I always loved to sing and write. I loved dancing and expressing myself. I always had a light but my dark side exist. That would be my trauma. I was able to keep that part of myself away.
Getting comfortable with my darkness has been uncomfortable but liberating. I’m still not ready to step back into the light but I’m almost there. We waiting on Slim Shady to make a grand return. Malon is going back into hiding. Slim Shady is a bright light that will burn you, blind you or outshine you if that’s what has to happen. Slim Shady is gender neutral. I just learned today that the LGBT community added some new letters to their tribe. Now it is LGBTQIA+. Slim Shady is all the above. Slim Shady is whoever they have to be in that moment to protect Malon. I try not to be judgmental of people and their life choices. Therefore I don’t want to exclude the LGBTQIA+ community from relating to me because anyone can relate to trauma, ANYONE. However, not everyone can come out into the light after experiencing levels of darkness. When Michelle said her slogan for 2024 is “Choose light sometimes”, it was after talking about Megan Thee Stallions new music video Cobra.
“What do you think of Megan Thee Stallion?” I asked Michelle this when we were working together. This was after reconnecting from Beauty School. I hadn’t seen Michelle in 3 years. When we got the opportunity to work together I was so happy to be reunited. She was studying to take her Master Cosmetologist license test and I only been licensed 2 years. “I love Megan!” This was back in 2021. Michelle is tall like Megan Thee Stallion so I always correlated them together. When she said she was a fan, I knew it! “I like Megan also! I love how hardcore she is.” Megan thee Stallion was a force. Her bars and rawness were something I enjoyed because I could never. Musically I am definitely more feminine but I love women who embody masculinity in their music. We love Megan but we’re barbs. Being a barb is a blessing because Nicki Minaj is THE GOAT. I don’t care as much for the other girls. However I will go ahead and lists the other female rappers, current and throwbacks, that I also like: Doja Cat is super talented. I really like her music. I couldn’t get into her at first but I liked that Cow song. I couldn’t believe she blew up from that. She had to grow on me. At first, she was too cooky for me to understand but after awhile I started to appreciate her humor. Latto is not that bad. I liked her after she low-key shouted me out on her song with Mariah Carey “Big d!ck energy”. When she said “Make him sang to this thang like a melody” I SAID OKAY LATTO I SEE YOU. She used to be friends with my archnemesis Light Skin Keisha. Yall already know how I feel about colorist and she’s the reason why I don’t support them. Light Skin Keisha has always been pressed since High School. Homegirl been competing with me by herself because I don’t acknowledge her anymore.
For the sake of this blog, I will give her the attention that she’s low-key been wanting from me so desperately after all these years. Light Skin Keisha has done a lot of shady stuff towards me but I remain unbothered because she’s not a threat to me. There’s nothing about her life that I would want for myself. Whether she believes it or not, I LOVE MYSELF way too much to care about her resentment towards me. She can join the line with the rest of the chickens I make mad by just existing. I’ve been ignoring her antics, shade and even her attempts to sabotage my name in Atlanta.
The last time I saw her was when I worked in Easy Breezie’s salon. I stopped working there because I felt the old Malon coming back ready to fight her. I JUST created MALON SALON. I let “sing a melody” go because I had to get serious about my craft. My legal guardian sold our third and last home in 2017. I had to make a choice after that. I chose to pursue something that I KNEW would help change my reality. During that time in Beauty School I was in a “dark place” but I doubt anyone even knew I was dealing with homelessness. I just chose to remain in the light and go after my dreams. I wasn’t about to let ol girl anger me out of the level that I worked so hard to reach. I told Breezie, yeah imma head OUT but I never told her why. I haven’t seen sis since I left that salon but I know she be watching.
Light Skin Keisha has always been a big goofy chicken head. We used to be friends actually. She was a friend of mine in Middle School. We met in chorus class. I liked her because she was funny. When we got to High School, we were friends all the way up until Junior and Senior year. All the guys that she liked, liked me. I never even liked the men she dated. I was still stuck on tattoo guy. I was too invested into my own toxic relationship to care what other guys liked me. Once Light Skin Keisha figured other men were more attracted to me than her, she became my archnemesis. I still don’t care. Sis was so pressed that she created an entire stage name just to prove that “Light Skin” is right skin. What is hilarious is that no one cares sweetheart. You need a rebrand. I know she lying to the public when she said she grew up with that name because of the different Keishas in our “neighborhood.” GIRL BYE! Whatever sounds good enough to sell but the lie detector determine THAT’S A LIE. What’s funny is, her REAL name is actually nice. She should have gone with that instead but NO. She wanted to promote colorism.
This is how some women in the South think. They believe if you are light skin that automatically makes you attractive. Whatever makes you sleep at night. I’m not gonna lie, Light Skin Keisha isn’t the only girl who is secretly in competition with me. She’s just the only one who made it “BIG” out of our class. She always wanted to be famous. I always wanted to GRIND AND SHINE. Fame was never a goal of mine because I know what it comes with. When I graduated, I got a lot of attention. People assumed that me and my childhood best friend would be “famous”. Even when I left to join the military, I thought people would see that I don’t care about that. However it didn’t matter. People like Light Skin Keisha are jealous of other peoples light. I know personally because we grew up together. We were all in the same damn grade. We know the same people BUT I don’t know a lot of yall anymore going into 2024. I was happy for her newfound success and fame but sis is a HATER. For a name like Light Skin Keisha, she always exhibited dark energy towards other women. I believe Latto was one of them. I always wondered why they stopped being friends. If I had to guess, I would say jealousy of success. Light Skin Keisha cant stand sharing the spot light with another woman. I know this because she was mad about the attention I got that I never even asked for. Shorty so obsessed, she even had her man propose to her on MY birthday. Congratulations? When I saw it on the shade room, I howled. I was late finding out per usual. I was too busy celebrating MY life to care about hers. When I finally saw it, I thought to myself “Of all days for him to propose. Really? I guess it is a special day." When I told Michelle she asked “Are you sure she knew it was your birthday?” I said “YES. Everyone knew my birthday in school because it was always on the week we returned from winter break.”
Anyways, enough about that colorist. The only colorist we acknowledge is licensed beauty professionals like Michelle for example. Latto is cool. If I had to choose between her and my arch nemesis Light Skin Keisha, I’ll go with the Mulatto chick. HOWEVER, I didn’t like when she came for my good sis Nicki. Whenever the girls come for Nicki, I look at them side ways. I’m not denying that Nicki may not be the easiest person to get along with but LETS BE HONEST! A lot of girls WANT her spotlight! I don’t blame her for picking and choosing. Everyone wants a piece of Onika’s light.
Me and Michelle have a joke we say “That’s that Onika voodoo.” GO AGAINST THE QUEEN AND IT WILL COST YA. Will they learn? Today I watched Nicki Minaj’s interview with Vogue. They asked her 73 questions. At the end of it all the interviewer asked her something that I don’t remember. All I remember was her answer. She said “I don’t know why people think they can go against the BARBS and WIN.” I shouted at my phone “EXACTLY!”
Back to female rappers current and throwback that I like other then Nicki Minaj. We all know she is NUMBER ONE on my list but lets acknowledge some of the other girls. Coi Leray is dope. I like her style. BIA has a nice sound, I like a lot of her music. I USED to like Cardi. She was cool until she wasn’t. When she threw that shoe at the Queen, I was done with shorty. I said “SHE TOOK IT TOO FAR!” Beefing for the entertainment of music is one thing. Trying to assault NICKI MINAJ, ARE YOU DUMB? Okay that’s another one. Remy Ma, she was cool when I was like 10. I never really got into her but that Shether diss made me uncomfortable. She now suffers from Onika voodoo but she made her own coffin. I prefer her dissing her on a record then trying to physically attack Nicki Minaj. That’s why I couldn’t fool with the other girl. Then when Nicki started exposing her on Queen radio, I already knew what I had to do. PICK A SIDE, PICK A SIDE. I’m going with the winning team. Now we also have another joke, its called the Cardi curse.
Lets take Glorilla for example. I was a fan at first. She had me with FNF. THAT WAS MY ANTHEM. When I moved out of Atlanta, I would jump for joy at that song. Her song helped me get over this reality TV guy. He was a DUSTY but I wasn’t in my right mind at the time. Now I look back and think “WTF did you see in buddy anyway?” I still don’t know but Glorilla song helped me get over him REAL QUICK! For whatever reason, her songs aren’t doing as well since that collaboration with Cardi. She let ol girl steal her light. People say Sexy Red took her spot but I disagree! There is still room for Glorilla in the rap game but once you’re marked it’s gonna be hard to come back from that.
Now lets take it back to the throwback rap girls. Lil Kim was cool. I wasn’t really a big fan because I wasn’t allowed to listen to her music. I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things as a kid but I definitely knew how iconic Lil Kim was. I saw her in a lot of movies and TV shows. I remember seeing her in “Juwanna Mann” and “You Got Served”. I knew exactly who she was but I didn’t know her music. I finally started listening to her years later. I liked her song with 50 cent “Magic Stick”, and the song right before she went to jail “Put your lighters up”. I don’t like comparing Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj because they really aren’t the same type of artist in my opinion. I know people say Nicki bites off Kim but I believe Nicki has her own musical identity. When she first came out, I didn’t correlate them at all. Then again, I never did listen to Lil Kim so I really wouldn’t know if Nicki did or didn’t bite off her. I guess you can say I’m biased in a sense. Moving along to EVE. She is the reason why I wanted to be a barber. I LOVED EVE. She was definitely a vibe. I wanted to be like her. Especially after seeing her in the classic movie Barbershop.
Now that we have mentioned and acknowledged the other rap girls, lets go back to Megan Thee Stallion. When I asked Michelle what she thought about Megan’s new song Cobra, she had a different tone from when I FIRST asked her about Megan. “Honestly, I didn’t really like the fact that she chose to dress up as a snake. For this to be her comeback moment I need Megan to choose light. That’s my motto in 2024. Choose light sometimes.” Coming from the Shadow Goddess herself, I said WOW. When I watched the video Cobra, I thought it was okay. The visuals were interesting. Los Angeles Film School education and training ruined the fun of visual art for me. Now I’m way too analytical. I analyze every detail and wonder. Whenever I see interesting visual designs, I pay attention to the details and technology work behind it. I think about the work that was put into it overall. Sometimes I have to switch my brain to think back like a consumer.
When Michelle gave me her thoughts, I had to agree. Megan was very vulnerable in this song. She talked about missing her parents. “I don’t know how much more of this sh!t I can take!” I CAN RELATE. What is interesting is how she went from Big Ol Freak to now feeling like a COBRA. You could see the difference in terms of energy. She had a LIGHT in Big Ol Freak but Cobra is DARK. If I had to guess, I would say that Megan Thee Stallion is too comfortable in her darkness. When that Tory Lanez alleged shooting happened, I WAS ON HER SIDE. I didn’t know the full story but I remember when TMZ leaked footage of her limping with helicopters surrounding them. You could tell Megan was physically injured. I can’t confirm that she was shot but she definitely looked injured and Tory had a gun. Therefore her accusing him of shooting her seemed to be her “truth”. THIS IS THE REAL TRUTH: We don’t know WHAT happened that night. All we know is that they left Kylie Jenners house ALL THE WAYYYY TURNT UP!
With everything that happened between Tory Lanez and Megan Thee Stallion, I couldn’t help but think of Onika voodoo and Cardi curse. This is after the WAP video. People forgot that part because it all happened so fast. She low-key snaked Nicki by working with her OPPS. Nicki shared her spotlight. She gave Megan an opportunity that a lot of other female rappers wanted and then decided to work with her opps. She made a choice. The new song she put out with Cardi before Cobra was HORRIBLE. Bongos I believe is the name. That song hurt my ears. When I heard it on the radio, I had to cut it off immediately. I SAID OH NO! She lost her light. You gotta pick and choose who to share your light with. You also gotta pick and choose who you try to use. Onika voodoo is real. She was nice enough to choose Megan out of all the female rappers to do HOT GIRL SUMMER which was arguably a way better song for women than WAP. Don’t get me wrong, I do like the song WAP but it’s not something I would download and play over and over again. It’s a song that I may twerk to if I hear it come on in public but I wouldn’t type it in my YouTube search to listen to unless its for a workout.
Moral of the story is that choosing to misuse your power of light by associating with someone who is DARK will cost you. Nicki Minaj is musically balanced in my opinion. The girls are NOT seeing her. Before she went mainstream, I was a fan when she was Hermoine and Lil Wayne was Harry Potter or whatever she said. Nicki gave us girlie songs and thug sounds all in one mixtape. We cant deny NICKI’s musical talent. Some girls got IT and some try to TAKE IT. They tried to take my good sis LIGHT. For awhile Nicki was in a dark place, you could tell. As a fan, I could tell but she found her light. I like when she starts going off on people like when she went on Joe Budden’s show. He deserved that because he is nothing but a big bowl of darkness. Nicki Minaj can be dark but she is a natural light. You can tell she is back in her light. When I saw her interview with Vogue I said WOW.
WE READY FOR THE ALBUM NICKI! This aint 2018. When the album drop these chickens gonna cry in the carrrrrr and I cant wait to hear it! I didn’t get Pink Friday when it first dropped but I’m getting Pink Friday 2! As for Megan, I want her to choose to be a light but I don’t know if she can find it.
When you operate in a low vibration, that is what you attract. If we talking energy, a HIGH vibration is light and low vibration is darkness/shadow. We can use darkness to help combat things but we cant stay in darkness. Once you reach a certain level of darkness, it’s hard to get back to the light. That’s why I crown, Nicki Minaj a TRAUMA QUEEN. My sis aint lose her light even after all that she went through. Sis went through ALOT now she about to SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND. Word to Badgalriri. People forget when Nicki had to go against a lot of people coming for her like the media. They were trying to knock her off her throne but you CANT knock a QUEEN down. Especially not one who’s been through things y’all couldn’t handle. Trauma effects people differently. As I prepare to get back into the light, I must say I am inspired by both Megan and Nicki Minaj. I don’t want to stay in my darkness. One line that really stuck out to me from Megan’s song Cobra that I could NOT get jigggggy with was “This pu$$y depressed, I’m about to stress him.” or whatever she said. “Saying this pu$$y depressed is wild.” Words from Michelle. I had to laugh and agree. When I heard that part, I said NAH that aint it sis. We don’t need this energy. Music is powerful. Sometimes you gotta watch what you listen to because it can consume your mind with similar thoughts. Next thing you know you dealing with “Depressed vagina.” Don’t get me wrong, I defintely get depressed and I miss my parents too but I’m still choosing my light over darkness.
I’m not allowing my darkness to win over my LIGHT. I just had to get comfortable enough with it. I know my LIGHT is way more powerful than my darkness could ever be. It’s all about balance. You gotta know how to operate in both but know your power. If your light is powerful then LET IT BURN. I refuse to bring other people in darkness just because I cant find my light anymore. Megan needs to find her light again and choose to stick with it. The longer you stay in the darkness, the worse it will get. She used to be a light but she chose the DARK side. That was her choice, yes. BUT if I had to give her some solid advice I would say the same thing: “Choose light sometimes.”
Here’s the 73 Questions interview with Vogue and Nicki Minaj
https://youtu.be/WrN3Dx3EBVI?si=Z4bwWTKzYsgOTD2B
Megan Thee Stallion Cobra
https://youtu.be/DOZNRoL0310?si=dy9hjHdc6SqsqCyu
Megan Thee Stallion AND Nicki Minaj
HOT GIRL SUMMER
https://youtu.be/FbcLcSY2au4?si=e7wROjtEGcJbcjX9
Thanks for letting me share!
-Malon Mahotiere (Slim Shady)