Single Melody

Happy Waist Bead Wednesday Royal family! GUESS WHO’S BACK! Back again with a recap of my past week/weekend. I’ve finally come out of the shadows and back into the light. This is slight work. Slight stands for “small light”. We’re not completely emerging out. We are finding a balance. Speaking of balance, I think its time for me to balance my egos with my true self. That is where we are on this self love journey. Today is woman crush Wednesday and I’m crushing on myself. When you look good you feel even better.

Although I’m loving my look, I am protecting my energy. I am protecting my crown. When Uno did my hair on Monday, I felt like I was in a therapy session. Then afterwards I felt so LIGHT. It was as if the entire hair appointment was meant for us all to decompress. I was listening to the older women and absorbing their knowledge and wisdom. Most of them were married with children. The lady before me talked about her 20 year relationship with her husband. She’s a hairstylist also. I’ve only been to Uno twice but every time I go I love the women I’m surrounded with. They always speak life into me. She talked about how women tend to date men based on who they admired as their father figures. She said her husband is so much like her grandfather and that is why she loves him. She said “My grandfather used to say, the only bill a woman should pay is her phone bill because don’t no grown man need to be on the phone anyway.” Her husband agreed with that! “I like how your grandfather thinks!” Now the only bill she pays IS her phone bill. I thought to myself “I like that!” I can definitely pay a phone bill for myself! Than she talked about the bump in their relationship. She said he said “I know you may not want to hear this but ol girl made our relationship stronger.” She said as much as she hates to admit it but he’s right. Apparently they were broken up for 7 months because one of her clients tried to back door her. Than she talked about how bad things can sometimes bring out the good in your relationship with someone. There was so much of myself I saw in that woman. She was so pretty with a nice smile. All the girls had designer bags and designer clothes. They looked like their husbands take very good care of them and we love that for us!

Being in Atlanta for Veterans Day weekend was everything I needed. I was in my feelings all month. One thing I can say about ratchet a$$ Atlanta, you can still raise your vibration and uplift your spirit. There was no way I was going to spend Veterans Day in LA being depressed about my life or my hips. For a second I was in my feelings until I got on my flight. It was as if I left the feelings behind to get my mind back in game mode. This blog is titled Single Melody because that was once my persona. @_SINGAMELODY was my Twitter and Instagram name for years before my legal guardian sold our house. Growing up, my childhood bestie gave me the nickname Mel. Everyone started calling me that. This started in the 8th grade. When I got to high school, I was still Mel. People just didn’t want to say Malon. They never said my name right anyway so Mel was better. When me and my childhood best friend stopped being friends, I didn’t want to be called Mel anymore. It was a constant trigger. I wanted to move on from that friendship. For some reason Mel always stuck with me. When I think about who I was when I was @_singamelody, I was living a lot better. I had a home. I may have been confused but I was living well. I would get dressed, go out and meet people. I always kept my hair, lashes and makeup done. I worked 2 jobs and would still hit the club scene at night. I would have dragged out @_singamelody but when Decepticon sold our house I knew my life would change.

Single Melody is what one of our mutual friends used to call me. She would call me this because I was the only one out of the friend group who cared the least about men and dating in general. I was so focused on my career. I was still bitter from abuse. There has been no desire for me to date men until I started getting closer to my 30s. I feel like I’ve been single all my 20s. This year was when I realized I need to start dating for real. As many dates as I went on, I couldn’t find myself to actually develop an interest in anyone. Then I saw this one guy in July that I had my eye on for awhile. Well unfortunately for me, I don’t think he’s single. After doing my research on this person, I concluded to the fact that he may or may not be available to date. Honestly, for me to find a man attractive or interesting is not a common thing. My interest in a guy only happens once every 3-7 years. The last guy I was interested in turned me off.

This is why I moved out of Atlanta. I really enjoyed being there for Veterans Day. I got to spend time with the big sis, Michelle, Queen of Press ATL. I saw Serdarius Blain, owner and founder of Top Shelf Getaways and I reunited with some members in his travel group. What is interesting is that 1 year from last weekend is when I met Serdarius for his All Black Party Wakanda Weekend at the W in Hollywood. I’ll never forget that night. That was my first “celebrity” Hollywood party. Except, I didn’t realize who he was until much later. I saw Tiffany Haddish that night but I wasn’t that impressed by it. After joining the Travel Group, I thought I made the right decision to leave Atlanta. I was seeing new men that seemed more up my speed. I was automatically surrounded by people vibrating higher. However, anyone can suffer from a lowered vibration. This weekend made me appreciate relationships for what they are. I’m in no position to be overly critical or judgmental to people on how they live life.

What I can be is overly critical and judgmental of myself on who I decide to date. I never want to be the girl who “chases” a man. That was never me. As long as I been single, I am learning to embrace it. Being single to me means I can date whoever I want without any guilt or remorse. I have no ties to anyone. I am not committed to anyone other than myself. Bringing _singamelody back for me is a way to raise my vibration. When I think about the life I lived 10 years ago at age 19, I was on the right path. Everyone knew it. I didn’t know it. I was too busy “wandering”. I hadn’t truly found myself.

Being celibate is the best decision I have done but the sexual frustration is real. I realized lust and love have similar emotions attached to it. I spent a good amount of time wondering to myself “How can you know if someone loves you or if they just lust you? How do you know when its love or lust?” Being single gives me the freedom to figure myself out in relationships. I have never been this open. Next month will make 8 years that I’ve been celibate. I thought I would have Birthday Sex but I have my doubts. Instead for my birthday, I may get myself a new car or pay for a new course to take. I may publish one of my books. I want to do something for myself that day. I cant put any expectations on anyone to celebrate my life other than myself. After spending my birthday last year alone, I realized what was happening. The older I get, the more I feel the need to isolate myself. I wanted to celebrate last birthday with a friend but she turned on me. I gave up on friends in LA. I told myself a birthday alone isn’t the end of the world. If I do decide to do something, a miracle has to happen. I am too invested into myself to allow someone to make me feel a way on my birthday. I would hate to expect people to celebrate life with me only to be left disappointed. I had a lot of disappointments in 2023.

This next chapter of my life is dedicated to Single Melody, _singamelody or Mel. I neglected this part of myself due to survival trauma. I miss when I was carefree and just living my life having fun. I dated but I wasn’t focused on making anyone else a priority other than myself. My legal guardian fled the country, so being in Atlanta feels different. I am still healing from all the psychological and emotional damage he caused. He tried to ruin _singamelody by forcing her into survival mode. I was a lot more feminine then. This was before the military and before celibacy. Everything switched once he sold our house. In 2024, I don’t want to be celibate anymore. I don’t want to be in survival mode either. I want to be in my divine feminine energy. I am a firm believer in you’re single until you’re married. Marriage is something I am open to but I am not in a rush for. I haven’t gotten comfortable with the idea of commitment. I want to commit to myself and my education. I commit to getting off the streets and living better. I’m committed to getting myself in a better position.

Dating in my 30s will be different because I was able to heal from a lot of past pain and trauma that was blocking my ability to get close to men again. I feel free in a sense but still sick at the idea of what it means to really be in a committed relationship. Maybe I am not supposed to focus on that. I got so comfortable being single, I want to focus on enjoying it. I want to date whoever I want and have fun. My idea of having fun is to enjoy the moment and experience the joy without resistance. I had a lot of fun in Atlanta but I wouldn’t correlate that fun with dating. I wouldn’t dare date a man in Atlanta after living there but I would definitely go there to have fun. As much as I value love and loyalty in relationships, there’s no telling what mate I may attract. I am single as a dollar bill. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do in their relationship. When guys shoot their shot at me and they got wives, current or divorced, girlfriends, baby mamas, side chickens, business partners, etc that really is not any of my business.

What I refuse to do is care about someone else’s relationship more than I care about myself. I’m not saying it’s okay to date someone who’s married or be with someone else’s man, I’m just saying that I cant control what other people do in their relationships and marriages. If I’m single and the person I am dating isn’t single, than that means I’m open to keep dating. If I’m dating someone who is single, than GREAT! All I’m saying is that I’m open. I’m not saying no to the possibility of an opportunity of getting to know someone. Especially if its someone I am sexually attracted to or genuinely interested in. If that mutual attraction and interest is there than I’m in there like swim wear. We can get it on like Donkey Kong. I AM SINGLE. Guilt from cheating on someone isn’t on my conscious. I would much rather date someone who is single as me but we all know that may not always be the case. I just want to have fun and be taken care of. @_Singamelody SINGLE MELODY is back!

I am determined to focus on myself, my education, my career and business AND my love life. Something I have never put any attention on in all of my years. I don’t have a career to distract me from dating like when I was younger. In fact, I have all the time in the world to BE OUTSIDE. I am single and celibate for now but that may all change. I am grown. I can do what I want and right now all I want is to have fun and be stress free like I was 10 years ago at 19. Bring back @_singamelody ENERGY

2024 I’m dating a lot more. We shall see what’s in store!

-Slim Shady (MAMA)