Capricorn Season Recap
Happy Waist Bead Wednesday! We are 24 days into the New Year and I thought today would be a great day to recap my Capricorn season. Shoutout to all my fellow sea goats. The zodiac sign Capricorn is the element of Earth. This is why I refer to myself as Mother Earth, or should I say Mama Eartha to honor the late great Eartha Kitt. She is one of my inspirations. Capricorns are goats with tales. We are different from other Earth signs due to our water element. We are able to handle both land and water due to our stature. This makes us different from Virgos and Tauruses who are also Earth signs. We typically get along with Water signs but Air signs and Fire signs is a different story.
Depending on when you were born, Capricorns all have different types of energy. The December capricorns are very different than the January ones. The male born Capricorns are different than the female born Capricorns. Overall, you gotta love at least 1 Capricorn in your lifetime. We are truly one of a kind. I could go on a list of all my favorite Capricorn celebrities but I’ll just name a few of my favorite ladies: Mary J Blige, Lory Harvey, Aaliyah, Michelle Obama, and my birthday twins Tiffany Pollard aka New York and Keyshia Kaoir aka Mrs. Gucci Mane. Honorable mention: Martin Luther King Jr. I am mentioning him because he is my favorite male Capricorn out of them all. My Capricorn season started off amazing. Now we are into Aquarius season and its time for me to go into hiding.
Starting in December I received a very generous gift from Santa. I was very thankful and grateful for this because it helped me go into the New Year feeling confident that everything would be okay for me and that was exactly what I needed. I went to New York City to open my New Year and saw some relatives. As I was walking the streets of New York, a homeless man stopped to talk to me. He told me that he was an author and he had been robbed. The homeless man explained that he wrote a book in prison and when he got out he partnered with a publishing company to sell the book. Well it turns out that the publishing company he mentioned was a company I was considering working with. His testimony was confirmation for me. I told him about my children book Birds in the Sky. I explained that I was still learning about the publishing process before I start with it. He encouraged me to publish the book because it could make the world a better place. He than recited a literature piece.
That homeless man was exactly who I needed to talk to with starting my year. He thanked me for my time to talk to him. After being homeless as often as I have been and for as long as I have been, I could never look down on homeless people. I always think to myself “What if they don’t have parents like me?” God has humbled me beyond words in 2023 but he made sure to bless me before 2024. With that blessing I wanted to be a blessing to others. I gave the homeless man $20 and walked away. After visiting my relative, I felt good. The only thing that bothered me was seeing a photo of my legal guardian on her dresser. I grabbed the photo while she wasn’t looking. My legal guardian has taken advantage of my family for years. It bothers me that no one seems to want to accept the truth about him. Instead, people want to believe that he is this amazing person who does good for others but that’s not the case. After I grabbed the photo, I started having nightmares. Memories from my childhood and young adulthood started appearing. I started waking up crying for the first couple of days of the year.
My birthday was the best part of Capricorn season for me. A nice man offered to pay for my stay in South Beach Miami. He put me in a very expensive hotel. I never would have known the value of that hotel if I didn’t look it up on my last reservation day. I won’t say how much it was, but lets just say I could not afford that on my own. My good sis Michelle, aka Queen of Press ATL, accompanied me on my trip to Miami. We had a blast! The trip was perfect from start to finish. The first night we went to the Ritz Carlton to have drinks and met these nice guys. They kept buying us drinks until the bartender told us it was time to go. The next day we attended a boat party. Michelle says “That was your birthday party, everyone was there to celebrate you!” It really felt that way to be honest. I was partying with complete strangers but for some reason I felt that they were genuinely happy to celebrate my life.
During the party they asked me to participate in the Twerk contest which made me feel skeptical. I still have a bad hip but I was so drunk I thought it would be fine. I started twerking and bust out the Miss Twerk Sum split move. My hip was sore for nearly 2 weeks. I don’t know who I thought I was but apparently everyone thought I was the winner. I won a bottle of champagne. I earned that damn bottle.
My last day with Michelle in Miami we spent on a beach, we drank champagne and had girl talk. We talked about the relationships we want to have with men. We talked about our sexual experiences with men. I went into my birthday with a Flirty 30 theme because I’m ready to have sex again. I wanted to have sex on my birthday but that didn’t happen. So now Valentines Day is my next hope. Talking about sex is a lot easier for me now after all the healing I’ve done from the sexual trauma I experienced. However, relationships with men are not easy for me to have. I think more healing needs to happen. I’m not afraid of being taken advantage of sexually anymore. I am concerned more about being taken advantage of financially and energetically by men. After dealing with my legal guardian, I realized that I need to heal parts of myself to avoid attracting men who act like they want to help me.
I stayed in Miami longer than I anticipated because I know I had no where else to go. When I first arrived I got a phone call from the homeless man in New York. This man asked for my number and email without a phone. I was shocked by his confidence. I gave him my information because I told him I want him to continue writing books. He had a notebook with all his poems and literature pieces. He let me read some of them and it was really inspirational. I had no idea he would call my phone but he did. He called me to tell me that I inspired him to check into a rehab for his addiction. He also thanked me again for taking the time to talk to him because it made him feel like a human and not just some bum on the street. His phone call really touched me sentimentally. Technically I’m still homeless also but God has given me the opportunity to put myself in a better situation. I’ve gotten used to being in the streets. I been outside so long that I ended up getting sick. I guess I went a little too hard for Capricorn season. When I finally decided to leave Miami and go back to Atlanta, I went to Elleven45 to party with one of my promoter friends from back in the day. The event was cool but I realized that I have outgrown that type of crowd. I ended up going to Las Vegas to celebrate my baby niece birthday.
Seeing my nieces was a confirmation that I am grown grown. Being 30 really hit different when you’re around 19 and 20 year olds. I felt like a mentor or a teacher. Only speaking when I have something important to say or to help change their perspective on a situation. The maturity level I’ve reached hit me quickly. I told my brother “I feel differently at 30”. He said to me, “It’s only been 2 weeks. You feel different that fast?” I really do. A part of me feels a lot more mature than I was before. I also feel very self aware. When I arrived back in Atlanta from Las Vegas, I went to Elleven45 one last time to celebrate my barber brother Cory’s birthday. I ended up seeing one of my beauty school teachers who inspired me.
That night with Cory was the end of Capricorn season. I had such a great time but I was also inspired. Seeing my teacher reminded me how far I’ve come since starting beauty school. That was 7 years ago. My legal guardian sold our house and we had no where to go. I went to school because I knew that was all I could do at the time to maintain my business. Me and my brother hung out to end Capricorn season officially since I didn’t see him since our last argument. He took me back to our old house. When I drove past it I realized how unfortunate it was for our legal guardian to sell it. I realized how inconsiderate and selfish it was to leave us like that. The house could still have been ours. The new people living there turned it into a ratchet mess. I couldn’t help but get angry as I saw our fancy chandelier hanging from the window. I saw my old bedroom and my old hair room. The backyard was filled with junk cars. I just sat there in disbelief. Our legal guardian is in Africa without a care in the world of what me and my brothers had to endure after selling our property. I had to understand that the healing aspect of accepting this reality is going to take a lot of time. I tried to get myself out of this homelessness situation. I found a house to rent but unfortunately the landlord started being sketchy.
Right now, as I wrap up my thoughts on Capricorn season I have to say my only hope is “Birds in the Sky”. Even though I inspired a homeless man to continue writing despite being taken advantage of, there is still a lot of myself that is just like him. My biggest fear is reconnecting with men again. I feel that they can sense vulnerability. Even with having nothing and being homeless, that doesn’t stop men from asking me to “help” them. If there’s anyone that needs help it is me. I am tired of grown men needing little ol me to help them with ANYTHING. I am tired. I am just glad I was able to submit my children book for publishing. I received the reviews from the critics and it brought tears to my eyes.
There are going to be many little girls who will grow up like me. Getting taken advantage of by some grown man because they can. They may emotionally manipulate them into it also. You will get blamed and shamed if you dare tell them no. My main focus now is to be a voice for those children. I would love to get out of the streets and not be homeless anymore. I would love to have stability again. I would love to have a home for myself but I guess that’s not what God wants for me right now. My plan and focus right now is on this children’s book. Birds in the Sky has the potential to heal so many wounded orphans whether they are children or adults. Sometimes I read the book to myself just to feel better about my situation. I have faith that God will restore everything that was lost. I don’t have the energy to even think about being sexual with men anymore. My heart feels broken with resentment.
If there is anything I gained from this Capricorn season it is that inspiration can come from anywhere. I realize the value of my milestone. To reach age 30 is a significant blessing. I am grateful to be here. One day I may have sex again but that isn’t even my focus anymore. I cant be sexually motivated when I feel so much disappointment from men. I need to heal myself more and attract men who want to help me without receiving anything in return. I want to attract men who have no intentions on taking anything from me because they have enough. I want to attract men who do not have the urge to want to emotionally manipulate me in hopes to take advantage. The man who purchased my stay for my birthday is exactly the type of men I need in my life. He didn’t ask me for anything after giving me what I would consider the best birthday experience I’ve ever had. That’s the only type of energy I need
Thank you everyone for the Birthday love! I’m feeling Flirty Purrrty all 30. Lets see what happens on Valentines Day. If I don’t have sex I’m okay with that but if I do have sex that will be a first for me.
Shoutout to all my capricorns! WE THE GOAT
Be blessed.
Love always,
Malon Mahotiere